New Year, New Beginnings

Hi there! I'm back.

When I first started my blog, in 2013, it was with the intention of getting some practice with my creative writing. Blogging as a publishing medium had really taken off at that time and a lot of people were making money from it. Not me - I wasn't in it to make money and I never thought my little blog about our family life would take off to that extent anyway. It was just a great way to record entertaining moments from our life, mostly for friends and family to read, and I thought if it amused anyone else who came across it online that would just be a bonus.

I haven't blogged since the beginning of 2024, a full two years ago. I almost can't believe that much time has passed. When I looked back over the 11 years that I wrote my blog - and it was only a few times a year - I noticed that the mood changed. I started out sharing funny moments, but over time it became difficult to keep a light tone. We lost loved ones along the way, the kids were dealing with various teenage and personal issues, our financial situation was often insecure and we were struggling within our marriage at times. There were less and less funny moments to share. I'm also very respectful of my childrens' privacy, so I didn't want to share too much of what any of them might be dealing with at any particular time - and sometimes their problems were too big for me to put aside to focus on humour. It became a chore and it was easier to just not write anything.

Now the blog is about me. We are into a new year. I am single, having separated from the Caveman last April. It was very amicable as he wasn't happy either. We still had that great communication we've always had, but we had grown apart and were no longer "on the same page" in many respects. We mutually agreed to part ways and have managed to stay good friends, which is a great bonus. I still live with our daughter and her three year old toddler. Our youngest son is now an adult and still lives at home too. Our older son lives a couple of hours away but visits regularly. The house is much calmer with less people in it, but I am still finding my feet. I have set up our smaller living area as "my" space, a living room just for me. It means that my daughter and granddaughter can have the main lounge area for themselves and we're not under each other's noses all the time. My son has his room in the back of the house and still mostly lives like a teenager, only appearing for food, so he's not really in the way at all.

We've just come through a busy Christmas period, with lots of family visiting. This included the Caveman, who only lives a few minutes away and usually calls in weekly to see the kids anyway. It was like all our previous big family Christmases, except for the fact that he went back to his place in the afternoon.

After 30 years as a wife and mother, I'm looking forward, wondering what my future holds. Like many women in my position, I was so busy looking after everyone else that I lost myself along the way. When the Caveman moved out, I realised that so much of what we owned was what he had chosen. Our furniture was all laid out in a way that suited him. I didn't even know what I liked to watch on TV any more, I'd always just gone along with what he or the kids chose. That's not to say that I had no choice in any of this. I simply fell into the habit of putting everyone else first. Now I'm thinking about what I want and reshaping my life to suit me. I've bought some new things for the house and rearranged what was already here. It's not always easy ... of course my financial situation has taken a hit. Some of those "new things" I bought have come from our fantastic local second hand stores. I also have had bouts of loneliness and some really "down" days while I've come to terms with everything - questioning my life path, our parenting over the years, even wondering if we should have just let go of the marriage sooner. We were always so proud of making each anniversary, but I wonder now if stepping away earlier might have been healthier for all of us?

I'm very patient with myself though. I am aware that these are all normal emotions to work through and it's probably natural to question every choice I ever made. I've made other changes to create a new life for myself too. I've always been comfortable with my own company, so I take time to chill out on my own with a book or in the garden, but I've also intentionally brought more friends back into my life and make sure I get out of the house regularly for coffee or lunch dates. I also take myself to local events that interest me, even if it means going alone - such as to the recent 50th anniversary screening of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" at our local cinema.

One of the biggest things I did in 2025 was travel on my own for the first time in decades, to visit my friend in Western Australia again, three years after our last visit. This time she picked me up at the airport and we headed straight off on a road trip, 12 hours North. We stopped overnight and at various scenic spots along the way, then arrived and spent three days at beautiful Coral Bay, swimming, snorkeling on the reef and just relaxing. I loved seeing more of the outback landscape that was reminiscent of where we'd lived as kids (The Pilbara), although it would have been a lot more driving to go that far! We stopped overnight again on the way back, as well as more "touristing" through different areas. I had the best holiday, with my dear friend who encouraged me to talk through everything, and it was exactly what I needed. I love my friend, obviously, but I also love WA and would happily holiday there every year with her if my budget allowed.

More locally, I've also done a couple of house-sits for friends, looking after their homes (and pets!) while they were out of town for a week or three. I will continue to do this whenever the opportunity arises. It gets me out of our house entirely, giving my daughter and granddaughter the place mostly to themselves for the time that I'm gone, and I get to relax as though I'm on holiday somewhere. It's a win-win.

So this year is about me. I don't know how often I'll blog, or if it will be funny when I do. I'm just taking each day as it comes and enjoying the journey.

Riding the Rails

It's a new year and already I'm behind! I didn't make a Christmas blog post, or a new year one like I normally would. The end of the year got very hectic and everything caught up with me a little bit. I'm currently on a ten day holiday from work and, to be honest, this is the first time I've felt relaxed in months.

I was definitely burning out.

I didn't make a new year's resolution, but I have kind of promised myself that I'll try not to take on other people's stresses so much. Last year saw a couple of our family members dealing with a lot of personal pressures and, as the wife and mum, I definitely took that on. I am also trying to just be more relaxed in general and take time and space for myself.

At the start of my break I got my son to drive me 2 hours to my sister's house in Brisbane. JUST ME. Normally it's a family trip - and we did all see her at Christmas and New Year. But this was for her birthday and she and I both just needed a relaxing weekend on our own. No kids, no men, no toddlers! We had the best couple of days but, apart from visiting the cemetery and doing a little shopping, we stayed in her house the entire time. We chatted a lot and watched some television. We also looked after a family of cats that she pet-sits occasionally for a friend, so that was an extra treat.

By the time I left her house a few days later I was super relaxed, ready to come home and enjoy the rest of my time off. She drove me to the nearest train station and we waited. And waited. And waited. There were a couple of other people waiting too and none of us could understand why the train wasn't coming. Many of Brisbane's suburban train stations are unmanned, so there were no staff to ask. Then I pulled out my phone and checked the local transport website, which I was still learning how to use, only to discover that train line was temporarily closed. No suburban trains were coming that day and I really needed to get into the city to make the connection with the Sunshine Coast train that would bring me home.

There were a couple of signs at the station (what a shame they couldn't have been bigger or more "LOOK AT ME!" in nature, we might have seen them earlier). We noticed them on our way out - just typical. Even then, at the written suggestion of where to catch a substitute bus from, my sister (an actual local) said, "I don't even know where those streets are!" Luckily, thanks to the internet and Google Maps, we figured it out. She drove me to the bus stop, where I was not helped at all by a transport worker who couldn't really answer any of my questions (that was frustrating) then I took a chance and jumped onto the next express bus that arrived. Thankfully that bus took me to a station where I was able to catch a train into the city where I needed to be. I had missed the first Sunshine Coast train I was intending to catch, but I was so late I didn't have to wait too long to catch the next (and only other) one. It all worked out well.

What a morning it had turned out to be, but I was calm throughout the entire process. I lived in Brisbane when I was younger and caught buses and trains all the time, so despite finding the website confusing I was confident that I could figure it out. Plus, I knew I could always go back to my sister's place and try again the next day.

I did enjoy the buses and trains; I'd be happy to travel that way more often. Next time though, I'll make sure I check the website more thoroughly for track closures!

Crazy Busy Middle Age

A few weeks ago, I turned 50. It was a great day and I felt very spoiled. My family took me out to a local strawberry farm for lunch. It's a great place, open to the public for only a few months of the year, where you can order delicious food to eat inside their big rustic shed cafe or outside at picnic tables and also pick your own strawberries to take home. We had a lovely time and enjoyed taking our little granddaughter through the strawberry fields.

I thought I should blog about that, then I came and looked at my page. Wow, it's been 6 months! I know we've had a few things happen that I considered blogging about during that period only to end up not having time or, in some cases, the inclination. Sometimes we go through things we don't want to blog about.

On top of that, we've also just been caught up in everyday life. With the rental situation being what it is, our daughter and granddaughter are still living with us. It's great, little Miss J really is being raised by a village for now and we all, our sons included, get to spend as much time with her as we want to. The only problem is, with all of us having jobs and school to keep up with, life can get pretty hectic.

My sister, who lives a couple of hours away, came for my birthday and stayed for a week afterwards. While she was here, she commented on how busy and tired we all are with a toddler in the house. She wasn't being critical, just observant.

She's right too. Our daughter's adorable little girl is constantly on the go. She's curious, adventurous, sociable and doesn't like to rest - so no one else gets to either! Plus, she has been unwell over the past couple of weeks, so she's been more clingy and demanding than usual (and wasn't able to attend day care). It really has been more tiring for us all. It's been hard to get anything else done, so the housework has fallen behind too. When I get the chance to do anthing, I find myself with so much more to do than I expected.

As an example, one morning I said to my sister, "If you're okay to watch her for me, I'll just pop to the bathroom for a minute." No problem, she loves playing with her grand-niece. I went and used the toilet, then noticed dirty washing on the bathroom floor while washing my hands. I scooped up the washing and went to the laundry to put it into the washing machine. The previous load was still in the machine so I transferred that to the dryer, then put the next load of washing on. Came back out of the laundry to be ambushed by the cat meowing for food. I filled her food bowl and remembered to grab a loaf of bread out of the chest freezer before heading back to the kitchen, where I put the bread on the bench, put away a couple of items that had been left out after breakfast and filled the sink with water to start soaking some dishes for washing up later on. My "minute" ended up being almost ten!

That was just one morning, but it shows why I'm so tired these days (and I'm certainly not the only family member who leaves the room to do one thing and gets caught up in a heap of extra chores on the way).

I commented to my eldest son recently that I still feel relatively young and healthy, to which he said, "You know, Mum, when I watch you doing everyday stuff around the house, you look the same as you did when I was little. You seem to have the same energy and do all the same things." What a wonderful thing to hear from one of your offspring - the very same people who are supposed to tease you for getting old (and don't worry, they do plenty of that too!).

I am fortunate to have pretty good health and I'm glad I can help out my daughter with her little one while she works to set them both up for the future. Sometimes I'm exhausted, but I'm also better these days at taking time for myself when I need to as well. Besides, I know one day they'll move out and we won't see them as often. I try to enjoy this time as much as I can (and occasionally lose myself in some quiet gardening!).

Life might be busy, but 50 looks alright so far.

The Spaces Between

Our eldest son has been home again recently, as I mentioned in my last blog post.

He showed us a clip on Youtube that he had found interesting. It was mostly a tutorial about an online game he has played recently, but the person presenting the video also talked about the memories we hold onto in life.

He made the point that while we assume the big, significant moments and milestones are what we'll remember, very often it's the small ones in between that really stick with us. This really jumped out at me.

I guess they tend to be the kinds of memories that are hard to describe to other people. Using my own as an example, it's things like the smile and hug my Mum would welcome me with when I arrived at her house for a visit. I can still see her smile and feel that hug. It's the quiet comfort I felt sitting with her to have a coffee and chat about absolutely anything that came to mind. It's those moments with my sister and brother when we were growing up, playing Scrabble or watching a favourite tv show, or all having a cup of Milo together after school. The times we comforted each other if one of us was scared or worried about something. The role-play games we played that no one else ever saw, the bike rides and bush-walking adventures we shared only with each other. Then there are the quiet moments that were just my own. Sitting on a hillside, writing in my notebook and looking out at the view. I can still see the long grass waving gently in the breeze and feel the calm that permeated my being, just sitting on the rock I'd chosen as my happy place to escape to.

There's a sensation associated with those memories for me, that I just can't replicate for anyone else. I know there are times I wish I could transport my kids to my childhood and actually get them to experience what I felt or saw. But obviously I can't do that ... and regardless of how good I may be with words, they'll never actually GET it. Everyone remembers the big things; the birthdays, weddings and family get-togethers that we were all a part of. If they don't remember them, there are photos. But those smaller moments - the spaces in between the events - are the memories that really form our feelings about our lives and they're incredibly personal and unique to each of us.

Sometimes, when life feels stagnant or even a bit stressful, it's thinking of those spaces in between that can bring comfort. We, as a family, are currently in such a big financial slump - and just last week we all came down with Covid-19. Feeling unwell on top of everything else we already have on our plates to worry about was just the icing on a not-very-pleasant cake.

The Caveman and I have struggled to get along well during all of this, mainly because we have vastly different ways of dealing with pressure. He, being on the autism spectrum, gets very overwhelmed and difficult to be around as he takes his frustrations and depression out on those closest to him. He becomes very negative when things aren't going well; it's as if he can't see that things will ever get better. He often falls into a "poor me" mindset, focusing on how badly things always go for him and how miserable his life is. It's hard to live with. That negativity can suck all the air out of the room when we're together and when he's in that mindset it can be overwhelming for all of us.

I tend to go more in the other direction. Yes, I'm upset about situations too, but I have become much better in recent years at letting go of what I can't control and, in fact, I often find that I feel positive about the future even when things are looking dire. I seem to have an innate trust that things will come good in the end and that we will always find a way through. We've made it through every other stressful situation we've faced together, so I have faith that our lives will take a turn for the better again soon.

Maybe that's MY coping mechanism, believing in a positive future to avoid getting bogged down in the difficulties of the day-to-day. I've had moments in the past when I was bothered about our situation in life and that we really aren't in the position we always assumed we would be at this stage. But it's not productive to look too deeply into that, or I could get lost in thinking about all the things we should have done differently. If believing in a brighter future gets me through, then I'm okay with it.

That, and focusing on those in-between spaces .. the quiet moments, the memories that bring me the most comfort. The ones other people can never understand, because they are entirely our own.

Grown Ups

The craziest thing about being an adult, I've decided, is seeing your own children grow up. It blows my mind ... it only seems like a couple of years ago they were all so little and now I'm watching them run their own lives and make big decisions for themselves.

Recently our eldest son helped some friends move house. He packed their belongings into his van - which also doubles as his bedroom when he's visiting us - and drove it 2 hours away to their new home. Last week he used that same van to help me clear out our garage and take a lot of unwanted items to the tip. He's in between permanent jobs (and accommodation) at the moment, so he picked up some casual work while he's visiting us and I know when he finds something more long-term he'll move to wherever he has to in order to make it work.

Before going to work this morning, our daughter handed over her baby to her ex-partner for his usual access visit. When she gets home from work this afternoon, before baby comes home again, she'll also be studying (as she works as an apprentice hairdresser). She's a fantastic mum. She co-parents well with her ex and our baby granddaughter is thriving.

These things sound pretty mundane in the grand scheme of things, but it has suddenly struck me how grown up both "kids" are now. I'm impressed by their work ethic, as well as their ability to just get in and do what has to be done - whether it's helping others or doing jobs around our house, or adjusting to single parenthood and all the responsibilities that go with it.

We also love spending time with them on more of a "peer" level. They're not just our children any more, they're our friends. People we've raised, who happen to share some of our interests, our sense of humour and enjoy spending time with us. We can all do separate things every night of the week, but still enjoy all sitting together in front of a Harry Potter movie too.

Of course this includes our younger son, who is now nearly 16. Like his older siblings when they were his age, he doesn't love school. We've started talking about what his other options might be and we're prepared for the fact that he may choose to find a job and leave school entirely. That's okay with us, we've been through it before with the older two and they both found their own way. We know he will be okay too, whatever path he chooses.

We still parent them too much at times; helping out when they could manage for themselves, or giving advice when they don't really want it ... but there is also so much joy and pride in seeing them become self-sufficient adults.

It's good sometimes to just take a step back and admire them, for how far they've come and how much they've learned along the way - and for the fact that our "little" boys are now both over 6 feet tall and have matching beards!

Just Keep Paddling

The new year is off to a flying start! Seriously, I can't believe we're nearly through February already.

Our life hasn't slowed down a bit; we've all got "stuff" going on. The Caveman and I have been in a bit of a slump emotionally and financially, while we both deal with some health issues and general worries around work and family.

I noticed an increase in my menopause symptoms, so I saw my doctor for an increase in Menopausal Hormone Therapy. When I first realised I was experiencing peri-menopause the idea of using MHT (or HRT, as it used to be known) was not even on my radar. Around 20 years ago, the media reported that hormone therapy caused an increase in breast cancer rates. It was enough to scare lots of doctors and menopausal women away from using it, including me when I started showing signs of peri-menopause. I was determined to deal with the changes "naturally".

Luckily, I know now that the main study that prompted those headlines was flawed. The risk is slightly increased if you already have pre-cancerous cells. Otherwise, MHT IS the most natural treatment and the health benefits far outweigh the risk of me developing breast cancer. Besides, menopausal symptoms can actually be quite debilitating if left untreated.

Some women breeze through this stage and barely notice a difference ... well, it turns out I'm not one of them! The hot flushes and mood swings (the main symptoms people talk openly about) are bad enough to deal with ... but throw in fatigue, depression, anxiety, "brain fog", bladder issues, sleeplessness, joint pain and the charming bonus of vaginal atrophy, and most people would try anything that has even a small chance of helping.

I joined a menopause support group online and discovered so many other women going through the same things. I got a lot of information about MHT and saved my sanity by getting onto the right treatment. Not to mention with MHT I'm cutting my risk of various other cancers, dementia and loss of bone density by supplementing my hormone loss.

On top of dealing with the joys of middle age, I've had a lot going on at home. Having a baby in the house is exhausting (no surprises there!). I help my daughter as much as I can, and I know she's grateful, but then she sometimes feels inadequate for needing help in the first place so it's important I don't overstep the mark. Seeing her trying to balance being a single mother along with her job makes me feel so proud, but I worry about her wearing herself out too.

Our eldest son is currently going through some upheaval in his life and our youngest is struggling with a lack of motivation which is affecting his interest in attending school, so as a mum it's natural for me to worry about them as well.

My husband's health can present challenges too; from physical limitations to mental health fluctuations. In fact, I've recently been assessed as being at risk of "carer strain".

(Considering the whole point of my day job is to relieve the strain for my client's carers, the irony of this is not lost on me!)

On the subject of work though, I'm finding my job also wears me down more than it used to and I definitely feel the effects of burnout sometimes.

It all sounds a bit doom-and-gloom, but it's not really. I still find time for friends and relaxation, plus I generally keep a good sense of humour about most things. We've all known too many people who have passed away at an early age, or had life-altering health issues when they least expected it. If there's one thing I do want to do, it's to look after my health and enjoy the life I have while I can.

Like most mums, I wear myself out trying to do everything for everyone, so I'm working on that too. I have become better at not holding onto as much stress as I get older - I can figure out what matters and let the rest go.

Sometimes I'm convinced I'm like the proverbial duck ... appearing calm on the surface, but paddling madly under the water!

Christmas

The year is coming to an end, and boy, what a year it's been!

Of course, the biggest change to our family came in June, with the arrival of our gorgeous little granddaughter. Baby J has added so much to our lives. We can't remember when we were this busy, but we adore her and she is just so rewarding. Of course, at 6 months of age now, she is really developing her own little personality and is very interactive with everyone.

Our daughter, through becoming a mother, has grown so much. She is a happy single mum - gone are the bad old days when having a baby on your own at a young age was considered "ruining your life". She has a good, supportive social group; they're a good mix of single friends as well as other mums of varying ages. She's also gone back to work two days a week as a hairdressing apprentice, which is great for her confidence, and those are the days the baby goes to her Daddy's house. Our daughter and her ex work together to include both families in their baby girl's life and she brings everyone so much joy.

We usually have a big Christmas at our house, with family coming from a couple of hours away to spend the day (or a few days!) with us. This year is looking a little more low-key, as it will just be the Caveman's mother joining us for the day. We will have a couple more family members arriving on Boxing Day, but won't be seeing our eldest son who lives a few hours away - he came for a visit last week though, so that makes up for it somewhat.

We haven't had the same happy, excited mood we usually have leading up to Christmas. It's a combination of me working a lot recently, the Caveman dealing with some mental health issues, us all being busy and muddling our way through a couple of financial struggles. Things have been hard, that's for sure. However, as the big day has been drawing closer, I've found I'm getting a bit more enthusiastic about it. Perhaps it comes down to the effort that goes into choosing a gift for someone you care about. Up until I had time to focus on what I was giving each person, I just didn't have time to really care about it.

Anyway, now it's Christmas Eve and we have everything ready for a pretty casual day tomorrow ... the best kind of Christmas, really. Of course, our baby grandaughter having her first Christmas is a pretty big deal, so we are all looking forward to that.

The important thing, as always, is that we get to spend time with loved ones, remember those gone and enjoy the moment while we have it.

Senior Moment

I wrote a blog post in 2019 about a funny moment I'd had with a client at work. I was making the man's lunch when he looked me up and down and commented, 'you know, you've still got an alright figure for an old bird.'

I was a bit shocked, but we shared a laugh about it and moved on.

I do recall thinking at the time, "Wow, I must be starting to show my age." Luckily, I was able to laugh at the absurdity of the comment, coming from a much older person, and didn't let it bother me too much.

I was reminded of this moment recently, when my Caveman had an unfortunate experience. He was walking through one of our local shopping centres and a small child who was running ahead of his mother almost ran into his legs. The mother called out to her son, "Be careful, you nearly bumped into that old man!"

Now, this poor "old" husband of mine turned 50 this year. Granted, he has less hair than he used to, and what he does have tends to stick up at all angles in a "mad professor" style. He is currently wearing an outdated pair of glasses because his good ones are broken and he's waiting for a new pair to arrive. He also walks with an awkward gait - this is partly due to his autism, but mainly because his body is a little worn out from his previous life as a semi-serious cricket player. Of course, we also became grandparents this year. But to be referred to as an OLD man?

Naturally, this didn't please him. He confessed to me later that he was actually a bit hurt when it happened. Luckily, by the time he was back in the car and driving home, he was able to see the funny side of the incident. As a result, he was able to tell us all the story of it that night, knowing that we would give him a bit of gentle ribbing about his age. Which, of course, we did. I mean, how could we not?

I did point out to him that the little boy's mother might not have taken a good look at him ... or she may have even realised her mistake and berated herself as she walked away. He responded that I'll be 50 myself in less than a year from now and to see how I feel when it happens to me. He has a point. None of us like to be mistaken for being older than we are. For now though, I don't feel old yet and I don't believe 50 counts as old anyway.

Of course, we'll see if I'm still that positive about it when the time comes!

Listen and Learn

My daughter and I had a difficult conversation a few days ago. She was in a bit of a mood and decided it was time to tell her father and me what she thinks of our parenting.

Not how we raised HER, specifically, more about how we're raising our youngest son compared to our older two kids. It was the standard complaint of, "He gets away with so much more than we did, he should be doing more chores around the house."

You see, our Cavegirl and her older brother are six and eight years older than our youngest, respectively. It's not that large a gap really, but the changes to our world that happened in that time affected a lot. When she and her big brother were small, the internet was still young. We barely touched our computer for entertainment purposes. We had mobile phones, but they weren't "smart". We had some movies in DVD format, but nothing available to watch online and we even kept pay tv to a minimum. It wasn't just the electronic side of things either; our life circumstances were different. We were both home full-time and spent any spare time and energy we had renovating the house we lived in. We allowed the kids to help us where they could and we occasionally gave them jobs to do around the house.

Fast-forward a few years and their younger brother came into a slightly different world. When he was small, we sold our house and went back to renting. We both got jobs outside of the home. The whole family used the computer a lot more and the internet played a much bigger part in our family entertainment, with online games, YouTube and smartphones becoming the norm. He has naturally been exposed to more screen time than the older two were at the same age. We still encouraged outdoor activity, but our youngest never enjoyed sport as much as the others had.

As time has gone on and our life has become so busy, we probably have let him get away with more than his older siblings did. It hasn't helped that the Caveman and I have been more involved with work and have had less energy for chasing up on making sure chores were done and that sort of thing. I'm guilty of falling into the same bad habits as any other busy mum ... you'd think, when you're time-poor, that you'd be better at delegating jobs to other family members. However, the truth is it's often easier and faster to just do the jobs yourself when you realise they haven't been done by anyone else.

The fact is, we've never pushed our children that hard - and even the older two weren't given as much to do as our Cavegirl is remembering. But it's natural for us all to recall things slightly differently to how they really were, so I allowed her to say her piece. As a new mum herself, it's important for her to think about this stuff, and I can handle some constructive criticism. I know at the age of 15 my boy is capable of, and should be, doing more to help around the house.

When she finished what she had to say and looked at me a little nervously, I gave her a hug and thanked her. That might seem a strange response, but I was so proud of her for being brave enough to tell me what she thought ... and I know how hard it is to tell someone (especially your parent!) that you think they could be doing something better. I remember feeling the same way about my mum and how she parented my younger brother many years ago and I'm not sure I could have approached the subject with her as maturely as my daughter did with me.

I guess the moral of the story is that we can all learn from each other. I've always taught my children that respect is a two-way street and that I will listen to their opinions with the same consideration I would give any other person. They may see things differently to me and I can learn from that.

The beautiful result is that my kids have now grown into young adults who respect other peoples' opinions too.

The Wild West

The Caveman and I have recently returned from an amazing 5-day getaway to the other side of the country.

My best friend lives in a region south of Perth and we decided a couple of years ago that we should save up and splash out on a visit to her. She has family on our side of the country and normally we only get to see her when she comes across to see them - and then only if she's visiting Queensland. It's a long and expensive trip, so it doesn't happen often.

Our original plan was to go last year, as a treat for her birthday, but Covid travel restrictions meant we had to postpone. We put the trip back nearly a year and finally went last month.

It was the Caveman's first visit to Western Australia. I lived there for a few years as a child, but further north ... so, even though I do have some memories of Perth, this felt like my first time seeing it properly. We stayed in central Perth for the first and last nights of our holiday, but the other three nights we stayed about an hour south of the city, in our friend's home region.

We were lucky with the weather. There were predictions of cold and rainy days for the duration of our visit but we were pleasantly surprised when most of the days ended up being more dry than expected.

The activities we did were varied and interesting. Of course the most important aim of the trip was to spend time with a dear friend. However, you can't go nearly 4000 kms (five and a half hours on the plane!) to a new place and not have a list of things you'd like to do or see while there. We managed to do everything on our list, which we were absolutely thrilled with. We saw lots of nature, firstly at the extensive botanic gardens in Perth, then also seeing wildflowers and flowering native shrubs on the sides of the road everywhere we went. We also saw fossilised rocks (that was for my paleontology-loving Caveman), paid our respects at a couple of significant Aboriginal sites and visited the historic Fremantle Prison to learn more about the convict era. We toured a number of small towns with our friend and got a feel for where she has lived much of her life. As an added bonus, we were able to catch up with another friend who happened to move to the area just a few years ago. The two friends are completely unrelated to each other and have never even met, so it's sheer coincidence that they live in the same region now! Great for us on this trip though.

The flight back to Queensland was only four hours long, apparently thanks to the way the winds move over Australia. Meteorology is not my strong point, so I didn't pay attention to the details, but I was grateful for the faster trip home - although I was very sad to leave WA and our friend.

All in all, it was a fantastic holiday and one we would happily do again in future if the opportunity ever presents itself. In fact, with more money and time available, we'd go further and see more of Western Australia, perhaps even getting up towards where my family lived when I was young, in the Pilbara region.

Now THAT would be the trip of a lifetime!

The Best Date

The 12th of August is our wedding anniversary. This year marks 24 years since we married - and we'd met four years before that, so we've actually been together for 28 years

We are always quite proud of our anniversaries, partly because we have had a lot of ups and downs to contend with over the course of our relationship - and there have definitely been some rocky patches.

But we're also proud because we came from separated homes ourselves. In both cases our parents separated but still got along well with each other and maintained a friendship after getting through the initial split, so the term "broken home" doesn't feel quite right to me. We've each lost a parent in recent years and it's been just as upsetting for the other parent - their ex - as it was for anyone else in the family.

The Caveman and I are both very aware that we were incredibly lucky to have that example from our parents, so friendship has always been the foundation of our relationship. We talk to each other the way you'd talk to a best friend and, to be honest, it always surprises me when I speak to other people who don't have that kind of relationship with their partner. If you can't be completely open with the person you've chosen to spend your life with then ... why?

Obviously I know there are many and varied reasons for different relationships being the way they are and a lot of couples are quite happy not sharing every little detail with their partner. I also know that our method wouldn't work for everyone - heck, there have been times it hasn't quite worked for us! It is possible to talk too much and still not resolve anything. For the Caveman, being on the autistic spectrum means he tends to overthink and the easiest way for him to process that is to also over-talk. I'm not on the spectrum but I was raised in a family where everything was shared and discussed thoroughly, so it's really not surprising that the two of us together tend to talk most topics to death. It's such a natural thing for us that we've only become more aware of it as the kids have grown older. So now we try to be mindful around their partners and friends ... who perhaps haven't grown up the same way and might find us a bit overwhelming.

Even we do occasionally have times where we feel like we're just going around in circles without achieving an outcome and one of us will say, "Okay, I'm done with the talking!"

For the most part though, our communication has been a lifeline for our relationship. We are honest with each other and we are both prepared to hear the other out if there is an issue. We might get a bit defensive if we feel like we're being criticised (and we certainly argue), but we both prefer to hear the problem and work through it rather than pretend that everything is alright.

We've always agreed that the three things you need for a good marriage are friendship, communication and laughter. Laughter is super important - and no, I don't mean laughing AT each other (although that's great too, done in the right way!). But to be able to make each other laugh and to find a shared humour even in hard times is a real blessing.

On a lighter note, a couple that we're friends with actually got married today, on our anniversary! We were unable to attend, primarily due to my work commitments, but we sent them our best wishes and I did point out to the bride some weeks ago that I thought they'd picked a fantastic date for the big day. After all, it's been a lucky date for us.

Welcome, Baby Girl

Moving on to happier news after my previous post ...

Just over two weeks ago we finally welcomed our beautiful baby granddaughter!

She was 5 days overdue when she decided to make her appearance and it was the greatest privilege of my life to be in the birthing suite for her delivery.

It wasn't the smoothest birth, but the midwives and doctor were just fantastic and our Cavegirl was an absolute champion. I was in awe of how she handled everything and, because the baby's father was there too, I also got to see little bub's first moments with her Mummy and Daddy ... oh, my heart!

Now we're seeing their transition into parenthood and it's beautiful to see how much they love her and are soaking in every moment. The Caveman and I really couldn't be more proud of them both. They are doing this together as much as possible. Our daughter's ex-partner absolutely adores his new baby girl and is very involved. He is not living with us anymore, but spends as much time at our house as he can manage around work, and they are really supporting each other through this major life adjustment. I don't know if they will ever get back to having a romantic relationship or just stay friends, but we don't mind either way. We just want them (and baby) to get along and be happy.

For the Caveman and me, "grandparenthood" feels pretty good so far! Having our daughter living with us means we can help as much as she needs us to. We are always happy to accept any baby cuddles that come our way, in order for her to catch up on sleep or have a shower. We know we are so lucky to have this arrangement, although we are careful about not stepping in without being asked. Our daughter has one end of the house to herself and only needs to share our kitchen, so she can be as separate from the rest of us as she wants to be.

(Just quietly, I think Mr 15 is very relieved about that, especially when the baby is unsettled!)

We had to choose what we would be called, which I actually found quite hard. The Caveman immediately decided he would be Poppy, or Pop, just as his father was to our kids and his grandfather had been to him. I knew I'd feel more comfortable with Nanna or Nanny than Grandma, but my Mum was Nanna to my kids, so it still feels a little strange to call myself that. As it turns out though, my daughter has been referring to me simply as "Nan" for her baby and I've discovered I do love that.

We are really enjoying this new chapter of our lives. Having a new little one to dote on again is a joyful experience and, as I said to a friend recently, there is nothing sweeter than seeing our baby girl completely in love with her own baby girl.

Technoblade Never Dies

For anyone unfamiliar with gaming streamers, they are people who play an online game and "stream" it on the internet for others to watch or participate in. Sounds like a waste of time, I know, but some are actually great to watch. Besides, there are people who watch more pointless shows on tv, in my opinion.

Yesterday we found out that our youngest son's favourite YouTube streamer, Technoblade, had passed away. He was 23 years old.

We knew Techno had cancer - he had informed his followers of his diagnosis months ago and kept everyone up to date with his progress even through chemotherapy, still putting out semi-regular content on YouTube. He kept his good humour and humility about his situation, while also raising awareness about sarcoma. He encouraged people to buy his merchandise, with proceeds going to the Sarcoma Foundation of America.

Having seen our older son lose one of his best friends a few years ago, to another form of sarcoma, this hit a bit close to home. I'd been worried that Technoblade's story might not have a happy ending either.

We sat down last night to watch the YouTube clip released by Technoblade's family on his behalf, announcing his death. It was devastating. Our son had already watched it, so he knew what was coming, but he still broke down upon watching it again.

He's 15 now ... showing his emotions in front of his family doesn't come easily to him these days. For me, seeing my boy break down at the loss of one of his idols was just heartbreaking. I held him and we cried together.

I cried for my son's grief, but also for all the other young people out there who have followed Technoblade and who will now have to come to terms with his death. I cried for Techno (or Alex, as we know now his real name to be). He seemed like a lovely guy who, like so many others, didn't deserve to die so young. I also cried for his family and what they must be going through now.

It is easy in these situations to think, but what about all the ordinary people who pass away from cancer? Why do we make such a big deal over a celebrity or online personality dying? I think it's often because they feel so real to us. If they're doing it right, we feel like we really know them personally. In the case of YoutTube gaming streamers, they are generally talking constantly to their audience while they play - you can't help but feel they are including you personally in what they're doing. Kids can feel much closer to their streaming idols than we ever got to feel to our celebrity idols when we were growing up. In Techno's case too, like most people with a public image to uphold, he always came across as so optimistic and confident that he could beat this thing.

It's also true that we sometimes don't give enough credit to our kids for understanding that there is a real human being behind the online persona, but they do get it ... and it hurts when a hero falls. There are many young streaming fans grieving right now and their grief is as real as if they had lost a member of their own family.

Technoblade's death has had a big impact; there are tributes and messages of support appearing in online communities all over the world. The creators of Minecraft and even the official Youtube channel have released tributes, acknowledging his contribution to their platforms. The Sarcoma Foundation of America have announced that he will be honoured with a Courage Award at their annual gala later this year.

Rest in peace, Technoblade.
In some ways, you really will never die x

Surprise, baby!

I was reading an article the other day about "cryptic" or "stealth" pregnancy. It's where the mother has no idea she's expecting a baby until halfway through the pregnancy or even, in some cases, until she goes into labour.