Our Roller Coaster Ride

I'm ashamed to say I have let my blog slip in recent times, while we've been having a hectic few months in the Crazy Cave.

In all honesty, I haven't felt much like blogging. The problem is, I like to keep it light and happy ... which can sometimes feel false when there hasn't been a lot of 'light and happy' going on.

We've been on a roller coaster ride with our teenagers .. and I don't mean the fun kind. I know everyone has trouble with their teens; it's a pretty standard thing for most parents to experience at some point. We go through all the usual issues - they argue with us over chores, they want more money to spend, they want to spend time with friends we may not approve of. At times, they don't like school, don't like their brother or sister, don't like us. Standard stuff that I'm sure most parents can relate to.

However, when issues such as bullying, social pressure and depression come into play, things get more serious. I've learned some things I never wanted to know about first-hand.

- I know how hard it is to keep sending your child to school when they are still being bullied and shamed over lies that were spread by another student over a year ago.

- I know how much pressure the school system can put on students by expecting them to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives, when most of them don't even know what they'll be doing on the weekend.

- I know what a struggle it is to watch your child not fitting in with that same school system, where it's mostly about making the school look good rather than helping students who are struggling.

- I know how it feels to take your child to a psychologist, and buy them anti-depressant medication.

- I know how surreal it feels to have to search your child's room for anything they may self-harm with. It's amazing (and scary) to discover what 'tools' they will utilise for the purpose.

- I even know what it feels like to hear that my child has been physically attacked by another teen, resulting in a visit to the hospital and the police station and a subsequent assault charge.

I've mixed up that list, to avoid singling out which of our teens has had which issues ... but when you read through it, it's all pretty scary. All this while dealing with another family member having an extended hospital stay for a fairly serious condition, plus the usual family issues (work, bills, etc) and my poor Caveman struggling with his Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - it's mostly under control, but always hovering in the background, and exacerbated by stress! For a time there, I worried about my own mental health ... with so much happening, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and just want to run away from everything. I usually don't mind that I don't have close friends nearby, but there have been times over the past 6 months when I could have done with someone, outside of family, to confide in over a coffee.

I believe it's our job to give our kids loving support and let them know they can achieve anything, so it was probably natural to feel like a failure as a parent when I realised that my children felt worthless. I try to remind them not to compare themselves to all the other kids who seem to be so successful. We are all on our own individual journeys and what we present to the outside world is only a small facet of who we are - and let's face it, we don't put the really bad stuff out there for anyone. I'm only bringing it up now because it's easier to talk about after things have settled down.

One of our teens has now left high school. 'Dropped out', is probably the official term, but is it really dropping out when leaving the school is the best option available? That child is now a much happier person, attending another educational centre where everyone learns at their own pace. The environment is a good, friendly one and the staff are supportive of all their students, regardless of ability.

Our other teen seems to be coping better with their issues too, and the two of them are getting along much better these days. Maybe each having their struggles has brought them closer? They've certainly both matured and grown through their experiences, and made me even more proud of them than I already was.

I've learned something else during the past few months (although, really, it was something I already knew). It's the importance of hugging my child, whether they think they need it or not ... because we all do.

Scaling the Heights

When you have tall people in the family, you get used to 'hiring' them out to strangers.

It isn't unusual for us to be approached in the supermarket by shorter people, asking if my husband can get something down off the top shelf for them. He always says yes and usually jokes with them that they, in return, should get him something from the bottom shelf, 'so I don't have to bend all the way down there.'

Last week, it happened with my teenager. We were in Brisbane and had called in at Hungry Jacks to grab some lunch before driving home. I was standing in line with my boys, waiting to order, when I was approached by an older woman who said, 'Excuse me, would I please be able to borrow your son?'

My boy is 195 cm tall, so I figured it would be for something height-related. It turned out the lady's grandson, a toddler, was stuck inside the very top of the structure in the HJ's playground.  She had asked the girl behind the counter for help, but the girl didn't think she'd be able to fit in there (my teen, apart from being tall, is also very slim).

So, off went both of my boys to help. My Littlest Caveman was able to get right up inside the structure himself and find exactly where the toddler was. The poor little thing had managed to get all the way up there to sit in the 'helicopter' seat, but then couldn't get back down. Once they had located him, my bigger boy was able, with some maneuvering, to get himself up there to retrieve him.

On a side note, it's actually quite funny watching a tall, lanky teenager trying to bend his body around all the twists and turns in one of those playgrounds! There is a reason the rules say the maximum height for children to play is 120cm.

He managed to get the little boy down, bit by bit, through the structure - much to the relief of the toddler and his grandma - then we had our lunch and drove home, feeling very proud that we'd been able to help.

The real bonus for my big boy, of course, was that he got to climb around in a HJ's playground ... he hasn't been allowed to do that for years!

Cat seeks New Humans

Our cat, the lovely Miss Emmy, unintentionally found herself the centre of drama last night.

She had appeared at the back door limping, with her front right leg held in the air and her paw at a strange angle. That was enough to send the household into a bit of a panic. Nobody knew what she'd done, but it didn't look good.

I was just finishing work when the Caveman rang to tell me, so I drove home and we organised a quick trip to the Veterinary Clinic (on a Sunday night. Thank goodness for our Vet's after hours service!). The poor cat yowled all the way in the car - she doesn't enjoy car travel at all.

The nice young vet, Anne, got Emmy out of the carrier cage and put her on the floor to see how she walked, but it was difficult to tell at that angle exactly what was wrong. So, she picked her up again and tried to set her down on the examination table. It was at this point that I noticed something strange. One of Emmy's claws was hooked up on her collar.  I didn't think anything of it, just leaned over to release it and said, 'Oh, poor thing, her claw's hooked."

It was as I unhooked it for her, and she sat it down perfectly neatly on the table, that it suddenly hit me ... that had been the problem the whole time.

Well, how embarrassing. We looked at each other rather sheepishly and then all burst out laughing - even Anne! It was such a relief to know that Emmy was okay, but we couldn't believe that was all the problem was. Luckily, Anne was fantastic about it. I think we lightened up her night somewhat (after all, a vet who has been called in to work Sunday evening is obviously not usually dealing with such a lighthearted situation). She checked Emmy over thoroughly for us afterwards, just to make sure she was okay after having her claw stuck in the collar for so long, then thanked us for the funny story and sent us on our way. No charge.

Our poor cat was grumpy with us for a while afterwards though ... and who can blame her? Fancy owning such dumb humans that they don't even realise when your claw is caught in your collar, then they take you for a car ride (which they know you hate), only to let a stranger look in your mouth, listen to your heart and stick a thermometer .... well, you know where.

I'm sure Emmy was glad to have her paw set free, but she did give us the 'silent treatment' for the rest of the night!

Taking The Plunge

We went to Aussie World the other day - a theme park on the Sunshine Coast - where I discovered I'm not as young as I used to be. I mean, it sounds obvious right? Of course we're all getting older. But some things (like roller coasters!) do rather bring the point home.

To be honest, we almost didn't go at all. The weather that morning looked like it was going to be awful. It was overcast and miserable, with regular heavy showers at our place. We talked with the kids about the possibility of leaving our excursion for another time, but they weren't keen, so we decided to take our chances and go anyway.

Then we were hit with heavy rain on the drive there. REALLY heavy. Like, 'can hardly see the car in front' heavy. There was much discussion in our car about whether it was worth continuing. In the end, we agreed to make the final decision once we were there and standing in the car park.

As it turned out, the car park was lovely. The skies were grey and threatening above, but there wasn't any actual rain falling. We spoke to a staff member, who assured us that rain wouldn't shut the whole place down - one attraction was closed due to the wet weather, but most of the others would stay open regardless. On this information. we decided it was worth spending our money and heading in...

Where we proceeded to have a great time! I haven't been to a theme park for decades and I love the whole fairground atmosphere. Sideshow alley, Dodgem Cars, a Ferris wheel, roller coasters, mini golf ... there really did seem to be something for everyone, The Cavegirl had been there before with friends, which was a bonus for her - she knew exactly what she wanted to do and loved showing the rest of us around. A lot of our enjoyment also came from watching the Littlest Caveman enjoy his first experience of a theme park. It turns out he's a bit like his Dad, not too keen on anything that makes his stomach 'feel funny'. The two of them particularly enjoyed the mini golf and Dodgem Cars.

Meanwhile I, remembering how much I loved roller coasters as a teenager (and completely ignoring all the times I threw up afterwards), laughed heartily at my husband for being a 'wuss' and agreed to go on more adventurous rides. Bad idea. This is what made me realise I'm getting older. It turns out any rides that make my stomach drop really don't agree with me anymore either. There was one I went on, with my girl, which left me feeling very green afterwards.

Probably the only adventurous ride I did enjoy was 'The Plunge'. It was still scary though, when it came to the big drop. See that picture above? That's the Caveman and me braving the ride together, although you can't see us for the splash. Luckily, you can't hear us either. I'd like to say I screamed all the way down, but what I actually did was let out one big swear word all the way down. The Cavegirl assures me the word is quite audible on the recording she took too, although I haven't watched it myself yet.

Despite this, I would go on The Plunge again. I could enjoy the big drop now that I've done it and know what to expect. I also enjoyed the Dodgem Cars and the mini golf (and I stopped laughing at my husband for avoiding the roller coasters).

And you know what? It didn't rain once!

Twelve Days of Panic

School is over for another year - yay! - and everyone is gearing up for Christmas. We are twelve days out from the big day as I write this, just long enough for me to be worried about whether we'll get everything done in time.

I still have presents to buy and wrap, decorations to put up (the tree is done, so that's something) and the house to clean. The 'lived in' look is good, but we don't want our guests tripping over toys and shoes when they walk in the door.

Then there's the lawn to mow, now that we've had a few days of rain and the grass has put on a growth spurt that would put a teenager to shame.

That's all without even considering the food for the day. Everyone contributes, but I still have to organise my part. The great thing about this is that I have help - the Cavegirl loves to create in the kitchen. Not just a mess (although she does that too), but actual food! We just have to do the shopping for the ingredients and she's set to go.

The tricky thing is in organising everything around work commitments. This is a new challenge I'm facing this year. Anyone who has been following my blog knows that being back in the workforce is a fairly new thing for me (I did a little happy dance when I reached the 6 month mark at work a couple of weeks ago!). In previous years, I had so much time to devote to getting Christmas organised and I would usually start well in advance. Putting presents on layby at the shops in October, or ordering gifts online with a month still to go. I would spend weeks 'creating' a personalised calendar on the Big W or Harvey Norman websites for our parents, simply because I had the time to do it. Last year I ordered calendars for four different family members - and each one was different - as well as Christmas cards with a photo of our family on the front to send to everyone.

This year I just haven't had the time. With my work roster, and the Caveman working as well, Christmas really has crept up on us. Neither of us work for companies that close down over the holiday period either, so it is a case of organising things as we get the opportunity. I have no idea what most members of our family would like this Christmas and I haven't even sent all my Christmas cards ... and they're from the shops - no photo this year!

The important thing, as I sit here thinking about all of this, is to appreciate the little things we do have time for. We might not have sat for a family photo, but we are all together. We will have Christmas lunch with extended family on the day and have a fantastic time, as we always do. As with every other year, no matter how well organised it is, or how many presents are under the tree, the most important thing is spending it with the people we love.

That's what will be remembered - and hopefully I'll be forgiven if I have to resort to giving everyone a pair of socks bought the day before!

It's the White Time

I have ignored my blog for a while, mainly because this time of the year gets a bit hectic.

School is finishing up, so there are exams and assorted commitments for the kids, as well as getting organised for Christmas - which is coming up fast!

One of the activities keeping us busy right now is the cricket season. Both my boys, as well as the Caveman, play cricket every Saturday during the warmer months of the year. (Personally I think they should only play in Winter, since it's so hot here, but Cricket Australia haven't put me in charge yet.)

Every Sunday my clothesline is a sea of white, with three sets of long pants and shirts - the 'whites' that they all wear to play cricket.

A lot of people find cricket boring to watch. I know I certainly do sometimes! Although, it doesn't help when our life seems to revolve around it every Summer.

The Caveman asked me once why I don't seem to enjoy cricket as much as I did when we first met. My answer was, 'That was before I married it!"

Of course, now I'm a Cricket Mum as well, so it looks like I really am stuck with the game for the long term.

The thing is, I do mostly enjoy watching cricket. I especially like watching my boys play - I guess motherly pride overcomes boredom! I used to find it difficult to watch my teen play when he was little, worrying about him not doing as well as he'd like, or even getting hurt. It's not so bad now that he's older. He plays in the senior competition with grown men and he's quite capable of matching it with them.

The littlest Caveman is still fairly new to cricket, playing in an under 9's group. He loves it so far and, with the training he gets from his big brother in their backyard games, he's probably going to be very capable too.

I do occasionally suffer from cricket overload, when all the male members of the family play on the weekend and then want to watch it on TV through the week as well (and as any fan will tell you, a cricket match is not a short game!).

Luckily, the Caveman understands that both I and our Cavegirl get sick of cricket at times. He tends to be careful about how much he watches on TV and is teaching the boys to be considerate about it as well. And in return, we will go along and watch their more important games when we can.

After all, every player deserves to have their own personal cheer squad ;-)

Dying for a Clean Up

"I've decided I need to pretend I'm dead," I announced today. Naturally, the Caveman was concerned ... but it's not that I actually wish I was dead, it's just that it will make cleaning the house easier.

Let me explain.

It's Spring Cleaning time, if you go in for that sort of thing. I don't usually, but I feel we are due for another big clean-out right now. I'm not too worried about washing the curtains though, I'm more interested in getting rid of stuff. I wouldn't say we're hoarders, but we tend to be a bit slow about throwing things out that we don't need or can't use anymore. This wouldn't be a problem if there were only one or two of us in the house, but with five? There is always more clutter coming in than there is going out ... not to mention the general untidiness that three kids can create on a daily basis.

It's also a pet peeve of mine to have someone walk in after I've cleaned and announce, 'Wow, this is clean!' It's like saying, 'Wow, this is usually a mess!'. I already know I'm not the world's greatest housekeeper, so having less in the house to start with would be a big help with my everyday cleaning. Very often, simply removing some clutter can make the biggest visual impact.

In recent years, my own Mum has whittled her belongings down to only what she needs. I am always impressed when I visit and her house is so tidy. Of course, she has no children to clean up after anymore (and I remember what a mess we used to make!). Every now and then she has another big clean-out and gets rid of even more stuff. Her theory is that, by doing this, she is saving a lot of work for her children when she dies. It's a sound theory too. When the Caveman's father died a few years ago, we took all of his things into our house - furniture and all. It was crowded. We had an entire room we didn't use for months, because it was full of his stuff. No one could do anything until the Caveman was ready to deal with it, and it can be difficult to sort through belongings that you have grown up with and associated with one person your whole life. Throwing those things away can feel like you're throwing away another part of the person you're already missing so much.

When we finally got to it though, it turned out there was a lot we were prepared to let go of. In fact, it was a great lesson for us - discovering that there was no need to hold onto things to 'remember him by'. Our memories of him were what really mattered, along with photos and just a few little items that are genuinely sentimental to us.

So, my plan is to copy my Mum and do my clean-out accordingly. It will take time, because the Caveman and I are both working now, but it has to be done. We have too much stuff of our own which, if I'm honest, is not going to be special to anyone else in the long run.

Hopefully, by the time I die, the kids will have full houses of their own - in which case, the last thing they will need is more of our crap in their way!