Our Crazy Cave

Friday, 12 August 2022

The Best Date

The 12th of August is our wedding anniversary. This year marks 24 years since we married - and we'd met four years before that, so we've actually been together for 28 years

We are always quite proud of our anniversaries, partly because we have had a lot of ups and downs to contend with over the course of our relationship - and there have definitely been some rocky patches.

But we're also proud because we came from separated homes ourselves. In both cases our parents separated but still got along well with each other and maintained a friendship after getting through the initial split, so the term "broken home" doesn't feel quite right to me. We've each lost a parent in recent years and it's been just as upsetting for the other parent - their ex - as it was for anyone else in the family.

The Caveman and I are both very aware that we were incredibly lucky to have that example from our parents, so friendship has always been the foundation of our relationship. We talk to each other the way you'd talk to a best friend and, to be honest, it always surprises me when I speak to other people who don't have that kind of relationship with their partner. If you can't be completely open with the person you've chosen to spend your life with then ... why?

Obviously I know there are many and varied reasons for different relationships being the way they are and a lot of couples are quite happy not sharing every little detail with their partner. I also know that our method wouldn't work for everyone - heck, there have been times it hasn't quite worked for us! It is possible to talk too much and still not resolve anything. For the Caveman, being on the autistic spectrum means he tends to overthink and the easiest way for him to process that is to also over-talk. I'm not on the spectrum but I was raised in a family where everything was shared and discussed thoroughly, so it's really not surprising that the two of us together tend to talk most topics to death. It's such a natural thing for us that we've only become more aware of it as the kids have grown older. So now we try to be mindful around their partners and friends ... who perhaps haven't grown up the same way and might find us a bit overwhelming.

Even we do occasionally have times where we feel like we're just going around in circles without achieving an outcome and one of us will say, "Okay, I'm done with the talking!"

For the most part though, our communication has been a lifeline for our relationship. We are honest with each other and we are both prepared to hear the other out if there is an issue. We might get a bit defensive if we feel like we're being criticised (and we certainly argue), but we both prefer to hear the problem and work through it rather than pretend that everything is alright.

We've always agreed that the three things you need for a good marriage are friendship, communication and laughter. Laughter is super important - and no, I don't mean laughing AT each other (although that's great too, done in the right way!). But to be able to make each other laugh and to find a shared humour even in hard times is a real blessing.

On a lighter note, a couple that we're friends with actually got married today, on our anniversary! We were unable to attend, primarily due to my work commitments, but we sent them our best wishes and I did point out to the bride some weeks ago that I thought they'd picked a fantastic date for the big day. After all, it's been a lucky date for us.

Sunday, 3 July 2022

Welcome, Baby Girl

Moving on to happier news after my previous post ...

Just over two weeks ago we finally welcomed our beautiful baby granddaughter!

She was 5 days overdue when she decided to make her appearance and it was the greatest privilege of my life to be in the birthing suite for her delivery.

It wasn't the smoothest birth, but the midwives and doctor were just fantastic and our Cavegirl was an absolute champion. I was in awe of how she handled everything and, because the baby's father was there too, I also got to see little bub's first moments with her Mummy and Daddy ... oh, my heart!

Now we're seeing their transition into parenthood and it's beautiful to see how much they love her and are soaking in every moment. The Caveman and I really couldn't be more proud of them both. They are doing this together as much as possible. Our daughter's ex-partner absolutely adores his new baby girl and is very involved. He is not living with us anymore, but spends as much time at our house as he can manage around work, and they are really supporting each other through this major life adjustment. I don't know if they will ever get back to having a romantic relationship or just stay friends, but we don't mind either way. We just want them (and baby) to get along and be happy.

For the Caveman and me, "grandparenthood" feels pretty good so far! Having our daughter living with us means we can help as much as she needs us to. We are always happy to accept any baby cuddles that come our way, in order for her to catch up on sleep or have a shower. We know we are so lucky to have this arrangement, although we are careful about not stepping in without being asked. Our daughter has one end of the house to herself and only needs to share our kitchen, so she can be as separate from the rest of us as she wants to be.

(Just quietly, I think Mr 15 is very relieved about that, especially when the baby is unsettled!)

We had to choose what we would be called, which I actually found quite hard. The Caveman immediately decided he would be Poppy, or Pop, just as his father was to our kids and his grandfather had been to him. I knew I'd feel more comfortable with Nanna or Nanny than Grandma, but my Mum was Nanna to my kids, so it still feels a little strange to call myself that. As it turns out though, my daughter has been referring to me simply as "Nan" for her baby and I've discovered I do love that.

We are really enjoying this new chapter of our lives. Having a new little one to dote on again is a joyful experience and, as I said to a friend recently, there is nothing sweeter than seeing our baby girl completely in love with her own baby girl.

Saturday, 2 July 2022

Technoblade Never Dies

For anyone unfamiliar with gaming streamers, they are people who play an online game and "stream" it on the internet for others to watch or participate in. Sounds like a waste of time, I know, but some are actually great to watch. Besides, there are people who watch more pointless shows on tv, in my opinion.

Yesterday we found out that our youngest son's favourite YouTube streamer, Technoblade, had passed away. He was 23 years old.

We knew Techno had cancer - he had informed his followers of his diagnosis months ago and kept everyone up to date with his progress even through chemotherapy, still putting out semi-regular content on YouTube. He kept his good humour and humility about his situation, while also raising awareness about sarcoma. He encouraged people to buy his merchandise, with proceeds going to the Sarcoma Foundation of America.

Having seen our older son lose one of his best friends a few years ago, to another form of sarcoma, this hit a bit close to home. I'd been worried that Technoblade's story might not have a happy ending either.

We sat down last night to watch the YouTube clip released by Technoblade's family on his behalf, announcing his death. It was devastating. Our son had already watched it, so he knew what was coming, but he still broke down upon watching it again.

He's 15 now ... showing his emotions in front of his family doesn't come easily to him these days. For me, seeing my boy break down at the loss of one of his idols was just heartbreaking. I held him and we cried together.

I cried for my son's grief, but also for all the other young people out there who have followed Technoblade and who will now have to come to terms with his death. I cried for Techno (or Alex, as we know now his real name to be). He seemed like a lovely guy who, like so many others, didn't deserve to die so young. I also cried for his family and what they must be going through now.

It is easy in these situations to think, but what about all the ordinary people who pass away from cancer? Why do we make such a big deal over a celebrity or online personality dying? I think it's often because they feel so real to us. If they're doing it right, we feel like we really know them personally. In the case of YoutTube gaming streamers, they are generally talking constantly to their audience while they play - you can't help but feel they are including you personally in what they're doing. Kids can feel much closer to their streaming idols than we ever got to feel to our celebrity idols when we were growing up. In Techno's case too, like most people with a public image to uphold, he always came across as so optimistic and confident that he could beat this thing.

It's also true that we sometimes don't give enough credit to our kids for understanding that there is a real human being behind the online persona, but they do get it ... and it hurts when a hero falls. There are many young streaming fans grieving right now and their grief is as real as if they had lost a member of their own family.

Technoblade's death has had a big impact; there are tributes and messages of support appearing in online communities all over the world. The creators of Minecraft and even the official Youtube channel have released tributes, acknowledging his contribution to their platforms. The Sarcoma Foundation of America have announced that he will be honoured with a Courage Award at their annual gala later this year.

Rest in peace, Technoblade.
In some ways, you really will never die x

Monday, 6 June 2022

Surprise, baby!

I was reading an article the other day about "cryptic" or "stealth" pregnancy. It's where the mother has no idea she's expecting a baby until halfway through the pregnancy or even, in some cases, until she goes into labour.

It's more common than you'd think - apparently 1 in 2500 pregnancies are completely unknown about until the baby is ready to be born. You know how you occasionally hear those stories where someone went to the hospital with stomach pains and turned out to be in labour? Well, I've been reading about it and the odds shorten the earlier in the pregnancy the mother is. At 20 weeks, the rate of cryptic pregnancy is 1 in less than 500.

You might be wondering what prompted me to look this up. 10 weeks ago, our daughter discovered she was pregnant. That's right, our little Cavegirl, who was all of 11 years old when I started my blog back in 2013, is having a baby of her own!

This news was exciting enough, but then she had an ultrasound a week later and discovered she was nearly 30 weeks along! We've been joking about her "stealth baby" ever since, but it's only since learning more about cryptic pregnancies that I've realised the fun nickname we came up with is actually correct for our daughter's situation. She had very few symptoms - all were easily put down to other factors at the time - and she didn't put on any tummy weight until the week before taking the test.

Regarding the pregnancy, it really is something we are all thrilled about ... now that we are over the shock! It was very unexpected - certainly not something our daughter had planned. She and her boyfriend were actually going through a breakup at the time they learned about it, so that added an extra complication and gave them both a bit to work through. They seem to have settled into being friends now and supporting each other through this situation, even though their romantic relationship is currently on hold. They were together for over three years, so there is a bit of history there, and they know they have the support of both their families whatever the future holds for them.

So now, with only one week until the due date, our house looks like a giant nursery thanks to all the baby items around the place. This baby, who we know is a girl, already has more clothes than anyone else in the family. She's not so stealthy now either - our daughter is definitely looking much more heavily pregnant than she used to.

Hopefully all will go smoothly and my next blog post will be about our busy life with our beautiful new granddaughter!

Monday, 14 March 2022

Wet 'n' Wild

We've been experiencing some pretty crazy behaviour from Mother Nature just recently.

Our beautiful region of the world can be prone to flooding at times, although we hadn't had a big one for a while. The last flood to reach "major" levels was in 2013. Since then, we've had the occasional "minor" flood and a few bad storm events, but that's about it.

That has all changed in the past three weeks. The amount of rain to fall in our area has been phenomenal, just as it has been in many other parts of Eastern Australia. Our local river rose up to its second highest level ever recorded - the highest being way back in 1893.

Of course, there are now many more homes and businesses than there were then, and the lie of the land has changed, with development, land clearing, etc. This means some areas that have never flooded before were inundated. Plus, with the flood being so much higher than anyone could remember, the force of the water wreaked more havoc on the landscape than we've ever seen.

There are a lot of newcomers to the area, who had no real experience of what our floods can be like, so to be here for such a big one must have been a shock to many. Even as long-time locals, this huge flood was a new one on us. Many parts of the region lost power for multiple days and were cut off from local towns by flooded roads for longer than ever before.

We personally have been very fortunate. We live on high ground - purely by chance. With the rental market the way it has been for the past couple of years, we had to take any house we could get and we wouldn't have bothered questioning at the time whether it was above the flood line. We also were lucky to only lose power for a few hours. Our suburb was cut off from the main town, but we had access to a local shop and, even though most of their shelves were bare, there was enough for what we needed.

As a general rule, after a flood we have hot, sunny weather. This time we had ongoing rain and storms, which has affected the region's recovery. The river went down after a couple of days so roads and bridges opened up, but the ongoing bad weather meant access to some areas kept getting cut again. It's only over the past week that the rain has really cleared properly and given people the chance to clean up the debris and see exactly what they're dealing with.

What many are dealing with, of course, is the loss of all their belongings, as well as homes that are unrecognisable. Many of these buildings are unsalvageable, or at the very least, cannot be repaired until insurance assessors have been through and given the stamp of approval. More people have been left homeless, adding to the already shocking housing crisis in the area.

Despite all the hardship though, there have been glints of light shining through. The way our community pulls together at times like these always leaves me in awe. A number of flood relief centres have been set up and have been swamped (pardon the pun) with donations from the public. Social media pages are filled with people looking to help others in any way they can. The army came to town - boy, can they work hard! The amount they've achieved in their time here has been impressive, to say the least.

It takes time to recover from an event like this, but it's heartening to see how everyone works together to get through it. I thought it was beautiful to see someone on a local Facebook page suggest that any donated items we have left over should be sent on to communities in New South Wales, where the flood was so much worse than here.

We really are very lucky to live in a great community.

Monday, 7 February 2022

Getting Back Into It

We had a very casual start to the new year. Well, I did at least. I was on Annual Leave from the 15th of January to the 3rd of February. It was two and a half weeks of relaxation and just letting the world go by.

I love my job, but it's nice to have a break from it. In fact, I took this opportunity to have a break from everything. I didn't go anywhere or spend time catching up with many people - COVID is too much of a concern (and that's a great excuse for holidaying at home anyway!). The only person I really saw was one of my sisters, who came to stay for a week and always just slots in like one of the family. We drank coffee, did some gardening, and lots of talking.

It's lovely to just take time for me. It's not something I do often, or easily. My wonderful Caveman gave me a laptop for Christmas, and I only started spending time with it on this break. Like most mums, I tend to put off doing something I might enjoy in favour of getting the laundry or shopping done first. I also don't accept help easily, from my husband or anyone else. Maybe I just don't have faith that chores will be done the way I like them! I am also accustomed to taking things on so that the Caveman doesn't have to wear himself out - it's a role I developed over years of him suffering chronic fatigue. Nowadays his energy levels are generally better, so I'm aware that it kind of undermines him when I do this, but undoing the habit is taking some time.

Thanks to COVID, school started back two weeks late this year, so I also got to spend this time with my youngest Caveman. I've commented before that I worry he hasn't had as much of my time as the other kids got, as I went back to work just as he was starting school. Having said that, it has actually been good for him to not be able to rely on me for everything. In many respects, he is more independent than his older siblings were at this age. I'm also aware that many mums have to go back to work when their children are much younger, so I was really very lucky - or stubborn!

When I was a child, my mum often spoke of "latch-key kids" and her determination that her own children would never have to arrive home after school to an empty house. It was very important to her that we always have a parent at home through the day and I guess I came into motherhood with a similar mindset. I did love being a stay-at-home mum and I clung to that until I absolutely had to go back to work. In fact, if I'd taken the plunge sooner, we would probably have been in a better position now. When we had to sell our house and go back to renting in 2011, we were both unemployed and - at that time - had no clear prospects ahead of us. However, there is nothing to be gained by regretting past decisions. We all do what we feel is right for us at the time.

I do make sure that my hours are compatible with the times I really want to be at home. I'm fortunate that my job allows for some flexibility, so I start after I've done the morning routine and school run. The finish time doesn't matter as much because the Caveman does the afternoon pickup, but I'm usually done between 4 and 5 pm. I also work every second weekend and the hours are longer then, but we have very few commitments on the weekends these days, so that suits us.

I've had moments I've resented having to go to work - which I know everyone can relate to! After years of helping in the classroom, or going along to watch my husband and eldest son play their cricket matches on the weekends, it was difficult to adjust to not being available for those things anymore. Also, when I was working in a residential facility, the shift times were not flexible at all ... so if I had a 6.30 am start or a 10.30 pm finish, we just had to deal with it.

Sometimes I can't believe I've been an aged care worker for nearly 8 years already. The time really has flown by and occasionally I do wonder what I might do next. I know I won't be in this job forever; the work can be mentally and physically exhausting, especially now I'm going through peri-menopause at the same time. I take great pride in my job, but I need to put my health first. I recently dropped my hours back so that I'm working less days per week. Of course there has been a dip in our finances as a result, so that's always a balancing act.

Having said all that, my couple of weeks off was so relaxing that I felt like I'd been on holiday for a month! I went back to work incredibly refreshed. I was happy to see my regular clients again and I know they are happy to have me back.

My son is at school today and my daughter finished her short holiday as well, so it feels like we're all back into the swing of things for the new year.

Saturday, 1 January 2022

Happy 2022!

As we begin a new year, it seems a good time to reflect on the ups and downs of recent times. Moving on from our own personal trials, such as the fire and its aftermath, moving house, etc, there has also been so much turmoil around the country and the rest of the world.

Employment opportunities have been scarce for anyone looking for work. Housing shortages have put entire families out on the street or in a caravan in someone else's back yard. Being unable to travel has not only disrupted holiday plans, but also affected working situations for many.

We postponed a trip we had booked, to Western Australia. We were devastated to have to give it up. It is a rare thing for us to go on holiday anywhere, so this was going to be a real treat. However, there have certainly been other people in a worse position than us, being kept separated from loved ones, so we put our disappointment aside and now can only hope that things run more smoothly later this year, when we plan to take the trip we've postponed.

Of course, one of the least enjoyable aspects of the COVID 19 pandemic has been the arguing between pro-vaccine and anti-vaccine supporters. It doesn't seem to matter which side of the fence you sit on, there is someone prepared to attack your opinion. I've been saying for ages that I'm pro-vax but also pro-choice. I do believe that everyone should be free to choose whether they have the vaccine or not. Having said that, if the vaccine is the only way to protect most of the population from the more nasty affects of the virus, I can understand why mandates have been brought in to give a push to those who are still hesitant. I do not understand people who will turn to the health system when they need medical advice but then refuse to believe the advice on vaccines. I try not to even engage with people who share YouTube clips featuring discredited or fake scientists, trying to convince everyone that the virus is a hoax or that the government is out to control or even "kill off" sections of the population.

I've watched former friends disappear down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories long before COVID 19 was impacting our lives, so I'll admit my patience on that front has worn pretty thin. I have seen too many friendships and even family relationships badly affected because some people just can't agree to disagree.

We've been so lucky to not be too badly affected by virus cases in our little corner of the world. It does mean that many people here are quick to rubbish the idea of masks, checking in and getting the vaccine, but the tide is slowly turning, now that we are seeing the virus begin to spread here as well. The only impact it's had on our family directly, so far, is that our eldest boy couldn't come home for Christmas. One of his housemates was classed as a "close contact" of someone who tested positive, so their entire household had to isolate together for the Christmas period. It was a bit sad to not see him, but we know we'll catch up again soon.

No doubt the virus will be around for some time to come, but as we enter into the new year our personal plan is to focus on more positive topics. Family is still, as always, the most important thing. We've been quite self-focused in the past 12 months, with everything that has happened. We closed ranks and sheltered each other from the outside world. Now, we feel ready to get more involved with other people again. The Caveman has been joining more social groups and I've been reconnecting with some of my old friends. We both know it's important that we develop our own interests and social lives outside of the family as the kids get older.

We genuinely hope the year ahead holds good fortune and happier times for everyone we know and love.