Finding the Balance

What a shame it's always the poor blog that suffers when we get busy.

I have not had the time (or the inclination, if I'm honest) to write my blog for well over a month. I have the best possible reason though ... the TAFE course I did last year has paid off and I have a job at last! I am now working as a Personal Carer in a local aged care facility and loving it.


The learning curve is pretty steep, especially in the first few weeks, but I'm getting the hang of it and settling in well. I enjoy working with the residents and feeling as though I can help to bring a little extra happiness to their days. Aside from any other benefits of working, it's doing wonders for my own sense of self-worth.

While I was settling into my new job, the Caveman took on some unpaid work experience for a few weeks in a busy office (as part of his preparation to re-enter the workforce). He's home full-time again for now, but it really did make for a busy time for the entire household. I know many people would quite rightly say 'most families have both parents working these days, so what's the big deal?' Well, that's fair, but when you haven't been in that situation and suddenly it's all happening at once, it really can be a big adjustment. It did do our personal pride a lot of good to know that we could do it (and yes, be 'like everyone else').

My working does bring with it some extra issues ... I have started to experience the 'mother guilt' we so often hear about. I feel guilty if I'm not at home to help the kids with homework, or listen while they tell me about their problems. It bothers me that I might miss something important that they need to share with me. I still help out in the littlest Caveman's classroom one day a week when it fits in with my work roster, just because I believe it's so important for him to have me involved.

I also worry sometimes that the housework is slipping or that I'm not going to keep up with all the cleaning/washing/ironing that needs doing between my shifts. I feel even worse if I am actually at home but just too tired from work to do the usual chores.

Of course, the Caveman (and the kids!) are capable of taking care of all that stuff, but you know what we Mums can be like! It takes a while to accept that others can do the jobs we've been mostly responsible for.

On the other side of the coin, I am making sure I take the time to do things that relax me as well. I'm reading novels and catching up on some knitting - a fairly typical Winter activity for me. It keeps me sane, stopping me from feeling overwhelmed by 'busyness', and shows the kids that Me Time is important too.

The family is adapting to the new routine and I'm proud that we are all coping pretty well in general. Most of all though, I'm happy to be (finally!) working in a job I love.

Going Retro

Recently my Cavegirl went to an 80’s themed dance party at a friend’s house. She was so reluctant to start with … “I don’t really know much about 80’s music, I’m not even sure I should go’, ‘I don’t mind the frilly skirt and all the layers, but I’m NOT wearing leg warmers’ and ‘no mum, I don’t want my hair teased up THAT high!’, while frantically pulling at it to bring it down a bit.

I decided at that point that I’d obviously not done my duty as a parent … how could I have missed teaching my kids properly about the incredible awesomeness that was the 80’s? The fabulous fashions, which were a study in bright and crazy colours; leg warmers, mesh crop tops, teased hair and neon accessories. Not that I ever really had those things (I was never in the ‘trendy’ crowd), but I could dream. 

The music was my favourite thing though - I adored Cyndi Lauper, INXS and Wham!, although they were quickly forgotten when the ‘big hair’ bands arrived on the scene. Europe, Poison, Whitesnake, Bon Jovi … in fact, my crush on Jon Bon Jovi continues to this day (who knew the man would age so well?). I have fond memories of sitting on the lounge room floor with my sister, watching Countdown with Ian ‘Molly’ Meldrum (and, wow, I honestly believed all the songs were being performed live!). 

We watched A Country Practice every week, Simon Townsend’s Wonder World in the afternoons, and we witnessed the introduction of Neighbours and Home and Away … as well as the meteoric rise of Kylie Minogue and her contemporaries. The cool guys had mullets and wore puffer jackets, while the girls were all about the perms and shoulder pads.

Hmm … okay, reading through my list, some of those trends from the 80s are definitely pretty daggy and best left in the past. But still, it was a great decade in my eyes and it’s kind of back in fashion now (retro!), so I’m happy. I was actually jealous that my daughter was going to an 80’s theme party instead of me.

As for her party experience, after all that reluctance, she came home singing a Belinda Carlisle song and raving about the great music from the 80’s. The Caveman and I have decided to jump on this bandwagon while we have the chance, so we’ve been serenading the kids with our favourite 80’s music and showing them ‘retro’ YouTube clips for days now.

The novelty will wear off fast, but we’re happy to relive a little bit of our youth while we can!

Nelly

Otherwise known as Nell. Or Nelza. Or Nelly Welly, Nell Bell, Smelly Nelly ... even Nelectrolux (when she was a puppy and literally vacuumed up everything in sight). I am writing about our beautiful black (and grey!) Labrador-mix dog, who we bid a teary farewell to this morning.

Nelly came to us in 2003, when she was six months old. She was a giveaway – unwanted by her previous owner after outgrowing the ‘cute puppy’ stage. I had been thinking about getting a dog for the kids so I took them with me to meet her. We all fell for her immediately; then we just had to convince the Caveman (he’s not so much of a dog lover). He came with us that afternoon to meet her and, as soon as she saw us, she made a beeline for him. It was like she already knew she had me and the kids ‘sold’ on her and it was just him she had to convince. It worked. He melted and we took her home with us then. She already had the name Nelly, so we kept it - it saved us trying to come up with a name we could all agree on.

There were some issues over the years … if she got out of the yard she could follow her nose a very long way. Nelly was a wanderer. I lost count of the times we would come outside in the morning to find she’d broken out and vanished. We could only wait, and sure enough, our intrepid explorer would appear at the top of the driveway a little while later feeling very satisfied with her morning run. She would race back toward us with her ears and tongue flapping in the breeze, the happiest expression on her face, wondering why we were all annoyed with her. She wore an expression that said, ’Hey there family, here I am!’, as if she just expected that she would be loved, no matter what she did. In fact, that was the same expression she greeted us with every morning for most of her life.

 

Like most Labs, she was a vocal dog too. Yes, she barked more than she should have and it was a bad habit we never got under control to the extent that we would have liked. But she was vocal in another way, which was designed to get our attention. She would make a long ‘wrooo-wrooo’ sound, almost like a doggy version of 'hello', at us, or to ask for more pats. It was effective – she usually got her pats and we would ‘wrooo-wrooo’ right back at her.

Nelly adored our kids from day one. She always loved running around with them in the backyard, curling up with them for cuddles, going for walks - usually her walking them more than they walked her. She worried over them if she thought they were doing something she considered dangerous, like swimming. Nelly hated the water, so she never understood why the kids would choose to go into it. She would actually whine and paw at me to get them out again! Of course, she got better about it as she got older, but she still worried. It’s not surprising she started going grey at an early age.

She enjoyed good health for most of her life, despite her habit of chewing absolutely everything when she was younger. We lost shoes, books, toys … even the arm of a lounge chair! Eventually she learned that sticks and dog treats were allowed, but nothing else. We also had to watch her sweet tooth; the kids were taught very early about the importance of not giving Nelly any chocolate or other sugary snacks. She had to be tied up if we were having a birthday party – we learned this lesson when one of the kids had a party where they had to burst a piñata. When the lollies hit the ground Nelly was right in there with all the kids, grabbing her share and swallowing them, wrappers and all! 

When a cancerous growth appeared 5 months ago (a recurrence, where a previous one had been removed a year earlier), we decided to let nature take its course and just love her for the time she had left. In the past few weeks though, we'd been noticing signs of her discomfort, and realised yesterday that it was time for that final trip to the Vet.

She was with us for 11 years, and we would have liked a lot longer, but we know we gave her a happy life for the time we did have. We had no false expectations at the end; saying goodbye was every bit as hard as we expected it to be, with floods of tears from everyone. 

We have lots of happy memories of our beautiful Nelly, but the most precious memory is knowing that she loved us with all she had to give. She may not have been a perfect dog, but she was the best dog for us.

When I Feel Like It.

So. This is me today -------->

Procrastinating.  Putting things off.

It's not like I have nothing to do. I can see the dirty floors, the load of clothes in the laundry hamper, the dirty dishes beside the sink. All waiting to be washed. By me, I'm guessing.

It's not only housework either. I also have a couple of letters to write and some sewing projects to start on, among other things.

The problem is, I have no motivation. No energy. No desire to do any of those jobs today. I just don't feel like it.

It's a beautiful day outside. I could easily curl up with a book and a coffee on the back deck and just relax in the cool breeze. That doesn't get my housework done though. It will still be there, staring at me, when I come back inside.

Sometimes I wish I had the power to stop time ... you know, just for a little while.  Maybe an hour or three, to catch up on some sleep when I need it.  Or occasionally even for a whole day, so that I could focus on getting the house clean with absolutely NO interruptions. But then, with no commitments outside the home today - for once - that's kind of how the day should have run for me anyway.

Except that I just don't feel like it. That's a bummer. Having an entire day with nothing else to do and it coincides with a lazy streak a mile wide, that stops me wanting to achieve anything at all. It's ironic really.

You would think that the idea of having a tidy house (a rare thing for us) would be enough to get me off my backside, but it's not. I guess I could invite a friend over. That was a technique I used to use when I was younger ... knowing someone was coming to see me was a guaranteed way to make sure I got things done around the house. But today? Meh. I don't think it would make any difference.

There should be a support group for this sort of thing - a kind of 'Procrastinators Anonymous'. We could all meet somewhere on a set day every ... oh wait, hang on. That won't work. None of us would turn up.

I'm sure I'll have some enthusiasm for getting things done tomorrow. In the meantime, maybe I should grab that book and make that coffee.  In fact, I will ... just as soon as I feel like it.

The Bald and The Beautiful

On the weekend, my Mother in Law lost all her hair. Not through any type of misadventure or ill health, thank goodness ... she simply had her head shaved.

It was done for a good cause, as part of the Leukaemia Foundation's "World's Greatest Shave" fundraiser.

Willing participants are sponsored to have their hair shaved off or coloured, to raise money for research into blood cancers and their treatments.

We are all very proud of Grandma for raising money for such an important cause - and the new 'hairstyle' is pretty terrific too.  Even the kids think it's great. In fact, the Littlest Caveman, who had been insisting lately that he didn't ever want a haircut again, actually asked me yesterday if he could have his head shaved 'like Grandma's'.

Considering the last trim I gave him was a sneaky one while he was asleep (to save arguments), I didn't need a second invitation! I had the hair clippers in my hand and a cape around his neck before he had a chance to change his mind and now his hair matches his big brother's short style. Okay, it's not quite as short as his Grandma's, but he's happy with it.

He even told me this morning, when I complained about the heat, that I should shave my head as well ... 'It's a lot cooler, Mum.'  He then pointed out that, aside from myself and the Cavegirl, most of the family has really short hair now - himself, his Grandma, his brother and father.  I frowned at that comment.  'Your Dad hasn't had his head shaved recently.'

'No,' he answered, in the knowledgeable tone of a six-year-old, 'but Dad had that bunch of hair on top that's never come back.'

My poor Caveman ... if he didn't already feel self conscious about his bald patch, that comment would definitely have done it.

Cut off from the World

After a hectic few weeks, we are finally settled in at our new house and loving it!

I had ideas for my blog running through my head the whole time - every time something amusing happened, or we had a new problem to worry about, I thought 'I could make this into a blog'.

There are lots of funny or stressful moments associated with moving, such as trying to remember where specific items were packed (why were the littlest Caveman's socks NOT packed with the rest of his clothes?), or completing all the relevant paperwork with the real estate agents. Not to mention the fact that life in general doesn't stop just because you happen to be moving house ... school assignments still have to be in on time, appointments need to be attended, bills paid, etc.

Of course, I had no energy to actually sit and complete a blog post anyway, so in the end I decided to leave the whole thing until after the move was over.

I could have posted about how we are now renting a house directly across the road from one that we used to own (and that my husband grew up in!). It is a little unusual, looking out at the neighbour's place and knowing that we were responsible for the colour of the house and what is planted in the gardens. But no, it is someone else's house now, so it doesn't feel right to me to make a big deal out of that.

As it turns out, the funniest part of the whole move for me was when we discovered that the phone line at the new house needed fixing. It's a nuisance when you can't make or receive calls (we had to divert them to our mobile phone), but the funny part came when the older kids discovered that until the phone line was fixed, we had NO internet. No Facebook, or Instagram, or any other form of social media was available to them until further notice. There wasn't even any warning, no chance for them to let people know that they would be offline for a few days. They came home from school one day to be informed that their connection to cyberspace was gone and we didn't know when we would get it back.

I wish I'd thought to have the camera handy to capture the looks on their faces when they were told. I've never seen two jaws drop open so fast. 'Stunned' would not be too strong a word for their expressions. It made me want to laugh. In fact, being the loving Mum that I am, I think I did let out a giggle. It may be why I got sulky looks from them for the rest of that afternoon.

I'm pleased to say I coped better with the situation than my kids did. I didn't miss Facebook, or emails, or reading the news online as much as I expected to. Over the next few days, the bigger kids helped us get some unpacking done and had proper conversations with each other while they were doing it. They even shared jokes - they are 12 and 14, difficult ages where sometimes they can't stand each other, so it was lovely to see them getting along better. Not that I'm blaming technology for their usual relationship - it's fairly typical for them to have issues with each other at their ages, so peace was probably only a temporary state anyway.

We felt a bit disconnected from the world, but it was nice. I would actually recommend it to anyone who has just moved house - cutting yourself off from everything for a bit can be very refreshing and a great way to recover somewhat from the upheaval.

And, while the kids are glad to have their social media back now, I'm sure they enjoyed the break too.

Moving on Up

Here at the Crazy Cave, we are gearing up to take on one of life’s major stresses. Before the end of the month, we will be moving house.

Luckily, we are renting, so we don’t have to deal with the extra hassles associated with house sales, such as contracts, solicitors, settlement … the list goes on. We've done that a couple of times before and, while I would love to own a house again one day, I am so glad that we don’t have to deal with those extra things this time around.

We are also staying in the same region, so we don't have to travel a long way or organise new schools for our kids.

 

No, for this move the stress is all about mundane tasks like decluttering, packing, cleaning, as well as the organisational duties - changing our address with everyone who has our details, arranging for the power and phone to be disconnected here and reconnected at the new place, and letting all our friends know where to find us. 

We are also both not currently working, which you might think makes things easier, but in a lot of ways it doesn't. It’s true we have more time and energy to put into the move – but we also have very little money to put towards it. We can’t afford removalists; we will be doing it ourselves, using our own car and trailer (although we may manage to pay someone to move a couple of the bigger items for us). Of course, the job hunting doesn’t stop while we are doing this either. If one or both of us gets a job in the middle of the move, we’ll just have to take the proverbial spoonful of cement and toughen up, to cope with the extra workload. Not that it would matter too much - we would be so grateful for the job, I think we could handle anything!

Many hands make light work, naturally. Thank goodness the kids are all old enough to be really helpful with this move. We are working as a team to get through all the tasks we need to accomplish in the next two weeks.

We have already started with the decluttering. The other members of my family don’t find it any easier to get rid of ‘stuff’ than I do, but we are all pulling up our big girl (and boy!) panties and getting on with it. We hired a skip bin last year and did a huge clean out, so we don’t have to do much more to really be on top of things. It is amazing though, how much one family can accumulate. In our case, there are a lot of sentimental items like old letters and photos, as well as schoolwork and drawings by the kids. However, there are also plenty of ornaments, toys, clothes and so many books that we just don't need anymore. Not to mention the objects we 'might need one day' or that 'only need to be repaired and it will be useful again'. Then there are other items that take up space just because we like to look at them (yes, Caveman, I’m talking about all those sports trophies!).

I think our local second-hand shops are going to do quite well out of us in the next week or two …