Townies

I'm aware that no one reads my blog regularly - maybe one or two friends check in occasionally - and it means that I can easily step away and forget about it while I get on with life. So I do apologise if I have any ghost followers out there who were hanging out for an update, haha.

In these past few months, while the world has been in turmoil with COVID, we experienced a number of changes. Yes, my menopause journey, as per my previous blog post. But also, our two older children managed to find jobs that they both love. After quite a long period out of work for them both, I am proud of the work ethic they have and the confidence they've gained. They have really impressed me with their attitudes and how grown up they've become, after all the dramas of those turbulent teenage years.

Our youngest, meanwhile, is really coming into his own as a teenager - the moodiness has definitely arrived, although the sweetness of my "not so little" boy (he's nearly 6 feet tall now) still shows through at times. He was more pleased than we expected to get back to normal school when it opened up again and his report card for last term was definitely an improvement on previous ones. Of course, now he's just excited to be on Christmas holidays.

The biggest news for us - as shown by the picture above - is that we have moved house. We were in the old house for nearly 7 years and, while we loved living there, as renters we are at the mercy of the landlords. They needed to get the place ready to sell, so we had to go. It's not as nasty as that might sound - they were great to us but we knew for a while that this was on the cards. The rental market is terrible just now, so it's a scary time to be looking for another house. There are very few houses available and the ones that are usually get dozens of applications from potential tenants. We were very concerned about how we might go finding another place.

Luckily, we were offered a house by a friend. So we have left our 'semi rural' house to move back into town, closer to everything. We miss having all that country space around us (and that view!) but we're also enjoying the convenience that comes with being 'townies' again; easier access to shops, school and other facilities. The house backs onto a park, so that gives us a little more breathing room, and the home has a lovely feel to it. The owners are doing some renovations around us (painting, new bathroom, etc), so settling in has been a slow process, but the house is coming along nicely and we love living here so far.

Our plans to move completely away from the area are currently on hold, but that comes down to other factors too - the Caveman being off work at the moment with a back problem, the kids all wanting to stay here for now, a lack of funds available for moving further away to a more expensive area. It's not off the table for the future, but this is where we'll stay for the time being. We are honestly just grateful to have somewhere to live and incredibly thankful that things have fallen into place up to this point.

So that's our crazy family update. There always seems to be something going on with us ... but we manage to find a way through and our first priority is always each other x

It's the Change!

We've had a bit going on ... for a number of months now! I'll try to ignore that my last blog post was in May (!) and just focus on catching up on all our recent events over the next few posts.

First of all, the joys of growing (just a little) older. It seems I've hit a new stage in my life ... one that all women go through between the ages of 45 and 55, on average. Yes, I'm apparently experiencing "the menopause". Or showing pre-menopausal symptoms, at least.

I realised what was happening back in August and, due to living in a COVID-affected world, I had to book a phone appointment with my doctor. When he rang, I was able to tell him exactly what I had. It was a simple call; I listed my symptoms and he said, "Yes, that sounds like menopause." I mean, obviously he asked questions to rule out other possible causes - but that was the outcome.

On a side note: I discovered that not being face-to-face with the doctor meant I was more comfortable going into personal details than I would normally be. I wonder if this is the case for other people? Are doctors hearing more about their patients now than they ever have before? It must have been quite an adjustment for them too.

I announced to my family that I was embarking on the roller coaster known as menopause, as you do. Well, as I do. (Thanks Mum, again. I was raised to not keep this stuff to myself!).

I like for the kids to be informed so they know what to expect. The eldest son said, "Oh no, I had hoped to be moved out before you hit this stage."
Well, thank you son. I know who I'm taking my unpredictable moods out on first.

The youngest said, "Haha, you're old".
Yes, he's on the list too.

My husband, usually a man of reasonable intelligence, chuckled at me taking my jacket off, putting it back on, taking it off again (damn these hot flushes!).

My list of people I'm allowed to growl at is growing.

The only person with the good sense to not make fun of me was my daughter - perhaps because she knows it will be her one day.

In seriousness though, so far I feel I'm coping well. I've had a few women share their experiences with me, so I know how different it can be for each of us. I feel like my attitude is generally positive, although my fuse can be a little shorter (just ask my family!). I was worried about having hot flushes in Summer - back in August they were pretty easy to deal with - but when we had a heatwave last weekend, I felt it was manageable (enough). I kept asking everyone "Is it just me? Or is everyone feeling this?". I'm keeping up with my exercise and a healthy diet. We've had a lot of things going on, so I've learned to be better at taking "me" time when I feel a bit overwhelmed.

It doesn't bother me to be getting older - I know I'm still young at heart, where it really counts. And the Caveman, who hates a breeze of any kind in the bedroom while he's sleeping, is learning to live with open windows and a fan on!

Learning Together

Ah, the joys of homeschooling.

Of course, it's been suggested we don't use that term. Our kids are "Learning at Home", using resources sent by their real school teachers. We parents are just here for guidance.

Here in Queensland (and I believe this goes for most of Australia at the moment) during this pandemic, parents have been asked to keep their kids at home for learning if they are able to. Schools are officially only open for students whose parents are essential workers or who have no other option. The Caveman and I are both essential workers, so we are in the category of parents who are encouraged to send their kids to school - and we were going to. Really, it would have been great to wave the youngest Caveman off on the first day back after the Easter holidays.

However, when we saw his report card from last term it was time for a serious discussion. He's never had a deep desire to be at school and has always had trouble concentrating and getting his work done. Unfortunately, being nearly thirteen, if he doesn't knuckle down now, he'll never catch up. We asked him what HE would rather do and he chose to try doing his school work at home. The Caveman's work hours have dropped a bit since all this started, so we knew there would be a parent at home for at least three days each week. Our two older children were happy to pick up the slack for the other couple of days, since they are currently housebound too. Our hope was that maybe, with a bit more one-on-one guidance, he would pick the work up more quickly.

So far, our theory seems to be working. It's a challenge at times, because he just doesn't have much interest in school work and can be quite stubborn about getting it done. However, those "lightbulb moments", when we can see him grasping the lesson, are totally worth it! It takes more time than we thought it would too - because it's high school there is an expectation that more work will be completed each day than you might expect for younger children. There might also be a non essential subject or two that he will fall further behind in, because we'd rather focus on the ones that really matter (Maths, English, Science, etc). We have had to remind him at times that this was his choice and he has to show some responsibility and get the work done, but for the most part he is enjoying doing his school work this way.

We get to have great conversations with him about subjects related to what he is learning and just spend more time with him, which he is definitely appreciating. If we see his eyes glazing over, he gets some outside time to kick a soccer ball around with his big brother (jokingly referred to as the PE teacher) and comes back refreshed. He also still keeps in touch with his friends from school, who are in the same situation - I never thought I'd be so grateful they all have mobile phones and internet!

The biggest thing that has struck me about our boy learning at home is that I am so impressed with his teachers. Not because I suddenly realise how difficult their job is - I have friends who are teachers, so I already knew. But because these people have had to adjust their whole working style to suit the current circumstances. We see them now making their own videos for students to watch online, lessons are adjusted to include family members and they are available for online chats to answer questions and help guide all of us through this challenging time. I think the teachers have coped with this incredibly well and I admire them all for stepping up.

I can't speak for every family - I know many parents are struggling - but we are actually enjoying this time and making the most of it.

Easter is a Little Cracked

Welcome to Easter weekend, and what an unusual one! Okay, it's not that weird for us - we've never been a family that heads out for a camping weekend over Easter, or has a big family and friends get-together around a barbeque.

In the past month or so the world has seen some incredible changes, thanks to this coronavirus. Here in Australia, we seem to be a little more protected - we certainly haven't seen the massive number of infections and deaths that some places are having to deal with. It probably helps that we tend to live in a more "spread out" fashion. We aren't crammed together like you see in some of those huge apartment blocks that you see elsewhere in the world. There are countries where you aren't allowed to visit ANYONE. At all. Not even allowed to leave your house without an official piece of paper explaining why you're out and where you're going to. Proper lockdowns.

For us, for now at least, it's not that harsh. We can still get out and do necessary things, although any trip deemed "non essential" could earn a fine from the police. We can still go for a walk around our neighbourhood, as long as we're keeping the required minimum of 1.5 metres from any other person. Of course there are plenty of people not doing the right thing, which is making everyone look bad (and pissing everyone else off, actually). Most of us are working together to try to "stop the spread". That's one of the terms we hear all the time now, along with "social distancing" and "self isolation". Now of course, there's also "toilet paper shortage". Who would have predicted that?

So this Easter is a "stay at home" weekend. No problem for us ... we are a family of introverts. We'd rather stay home most of the time anyway! The Caveman and I are still working, as we're both in essential jobs (another catchphrase). However, his hours have dropped dramatically and mine are just starting to do the same, as most of our clients are self isolating and not requiring as many services outside the home now. It would be a great time to clear out the house and work on any projects in the home and garden, except that going out for hardware, or to drop items off at the rubbish dump or second hand shops is considered non essential travel (and some of these are closed now anyway).

I am aware that this is a very difficult time for lots of people. Many have lost their jobs - and for anyone not already familiar with our welfare system, this will be a real eye-opener! People in abusive relationships or unhappy families are going to suffer, with everyone stressing over money and getting on each other's nerves day after day in the house together. There is still concern about whether kids should be going to school or whether we should all be tackling some form of homeschooling.

At the same time, I do get annoyed with people complaining about the little things, like the fact that they can't go camping, or that most beaches are currently closed to anyone who isn't local to that area. I think we're so lucky that we have TV, computers, smartphones and social media - it's easier than ever to get news updates, to stay entertained and also to keep in touch with friends and family members. Not to mention there's always reading, gardening, cooking and craft. Maybe I'll find more time to write?

We have a bit of a road ahead of us yet, so we might as well settle in and get as comfortable as we can. Make the most of this time with your family and maybe we'll all learn to enjoy the little things in life a bit more. In the meantime, there's Easter ... I hope you have enough toilet paper and chocolate (and good humour) to see you through!

Make the Most of It

I can't believe we're almost through February already. The year has really only just begun and it's already flying by! All thoughts of Christmas presents and New Year's resolutions are long gone and we're all into whatever our next plans are.

Our year has already had some sad news - my older sister's wonderful husband unfortunately passed away after being diagnosed with a brain tumour late last year. He was only in his early fifties and probably had all sorts of plans for the future. It sparked even more awareness in me that we really do spend so much of our lives planning for the future with little awareness of just how little time we might have to make the most of those plans.

Not that I've been able to suddenly ditch work and start traveling or anything crazy like that - that's not where this is going. I still have bills to pay! I'm just making more of a conscious effort to enjoy my time NOW.

Do what I love and love what I do, appreciate every moment ... that sort of thing. It's not always easy, because everyday life can be a drag sometimes, but it's worth making the effort while you can. It's also important to not get bogged down in thinking that enjoying life has to involve significant or expensive changes. It can be really simple things.

I'm being more active, but also making the most of quiet "down time" when I have it. I'm appreciating nature, using more humour and not engaging as much in stressful conversations. I've discovered I'm also channeling my mother more, maybe because I miss her but also because she was never afraid to be herself and I miss that about her.

Actually, my younger sister commented recently that she is doing the same - we've both become more like Mum since she passed away. It's funny how we can take on certain qualities from those we love who have passed, and use them for positive change in our own lives.

This can be a good or a bad thing, depending on your point of view. I think we're both a little more outgoing now, which is great, but we've also adopted some of Mum's "no filter" quality that used to fascinate (and horrify!) us when we were out in public with her. We both get a chuckle out of it and honestly, I think it's a good thing. Life is too short to not be honest.

At my brother in law's funeral, my older sister (his wife) told us she is now looking at every issue that arises in her life using his experience; she calls it "Chris's Law". I'm paraphrasing here, but it basically goes: If you knew you only had three months to live, how much would this particular problem really matter?

He was always a pretty easy going guy anyway, the kind who took problems in his stride and could figure out what was really worth getting stressed about. But now, his family is using his death as a reminder to themselves to appreciate what really matters and not get too worked up over the rest.

Sounds like a good plan to me. Rest easy, Chris, and give Mum a hug for us xx

Happy New Decade!

It's time for another new year. A whole new decade, in fact. Like nervous and excited young adults, we're leaving the teen years behind and entering the '20's!

This past decade was a big one for us. The first ten years of the millenium had been all about having babies, renovating and selling homes, learning to manage a family budget - basically being proper adults. We also had extra hurdles thrown in, such as the Caveman's chronic fatigue, my post natal depression and some poor financial situations. It was a challenging, but mostly fun, 10 year period as we grew our young family.

This 'teen years' decade has actually been more solemn in many ways. It feels like we've had to grow up.

We farewelled some really important people, beginning with the Caveman's Dad in January 2010. His was the first major death we'd ever had to deal with; we were his 'next of kin' and had to take responsibility for all the official death-related tasks, as well as dealing with our own grief and guiding our small children through theirs as well.

Closer to this end of the decade of course, two years ago we lost my Mum, which was another devastating blow to us all. The Caveman's best friend also passed away recently and, in the past few years, our older two children have each lost friends they cared deeply for, to different illnesses.

Aside from the sad goodbyes of the decade, money problems meant we had to sell our house in 2011. Worse, we weren't in a position to buy again, so we accepted defeat and went back to renting. That was depressing. Then our older children hit their teen years and it felt like everything went to shit, to put it bluntly. Having teenagers gave us entirely new challenges and conflicts to deal with, as they navigated moods, grief, mental health issues, bullying, sexuality, academic struggles, unemployment, etc, etc. Seriously, the list could go on for days.

At times we've struggled within our relationship. More than once it felt as if we were both hit with struggles at every turn. Too many financial and emotional issues can put immense pressure on the strongest marriage. If it wasn't for us both being exceptionally determined to work on it, I'm sure it would have been over. We've also recently discovered the Caveman is on the autistic spectrum, which is another learning curve for us all - but that one warrants its own blog post at another time.

It hasn't all been doom and gloom though - of course there have been good things to come out of this decade. The Caveman became better at managing his chronic fatigue and in 2013 we both took the plunge into study and back into the workforce. I completed my Aged Care course and have honestly never looked back. It's a real joy to be able to say I love my job. The Caveman did a business course and then ended up taking a job in the disability support industry. It was an unexpected path for him, but one which he also loves and is grateful to have discovered. It hasn't improved things financially as much as we'd hoped, as they're not the best paid jobs, but we're getting there.

The older kids have grown into well adjusted and beautiful young adults. We are immensely proud of who they have both become after all they've been through. We know we're approaching the 'empty nest' phase with these two, so we appreciate every moment we get to spend with them. On the other hand, our youngest still has the teen years to come - we're taking a big calming breath and crossing our fingers as that approaches!

We are happy renting, with no plans to buy another house in the future. We are also now considering a move away from the area we've lived in for 30 years and raised our children in, which is kind of scary and exciting at the same time. It's something we talked about doing years ago, but the circumstances were never quite right. Maybe this year?

We've had precious times with family and friends, become more confident within ourselves and dealt with some pretty big issues better than we might have expected. All in all, we feel pretty positive. No doubt the next few years will also bring lots of challenges and some more grief too, but we are generally optimistic and look forward to what's coming for us in the next decade.

Here's to a happy new year!