We were told this morning that our teenage daughter is doing ice. No, not the frozen water cubes you might put in a drink .... ice, the drug.Sounds scary, right? Thankfully, it's not true.
She told us about this latest rumour herself, after it was announced to her in a Facebook conversation - by someone who had heard from someone else that it was true. It was as much of a shock to her as it was to us and, while we can laugh about it, it actually raised a serious subject.
Rumours. Aren't they joyous things? Both of my teens have, like most at some stage, been the subject of gossip. If everything is to be believed, my son spent much of the past year experimenting with various drugs and hanging out with dealers. My daughter has slept with HEAPS of boys at school (starting in Year 8) and has been pregnant at least three times (and now using ice as well ... goodness, she has been a busy girl!).
I'm not saying my kids are perfect. Again, like most teens, they've bent the rules occasionally. It bothers me though when they get accused of so much that they haven't done - and that people tend to believe what they hear. Of course, these rumours would come as a shock to a lot of people who really know my kids. The gossip is generally spread by a small group of (mostly) high school students who just happen to be getting on my nerves right now.
Our family is lucky. We talk - a lot! - and we laugh too. There are very few secrets in our house, which makes it easy to have the conversations parents and their children should have about bullying and rumours (as well as sex, drugs and all the other stuff too).
It's easy enough to give children a loving, supportive home environment, but the tricky part for any parent is figuring out how to help them work through the crap they can get from other people. Like the rubbish that gets spread around by other kids. This is the stuff that leads to depression, anxiety and even suicide. What's really sad is that those other children (and that's what they are, despite how big and impressive they think they're being), really wouldn't even care if my child, or anyone else's, did commit suicide. They'd see it as that person being weak.
(Because being a bullying little shit makes you the better person? I don't think so.)
Maybe they'll regret spreading rumours or being bullies when they're older, and I admire those who can admit it and apologise ... but by then it's hard to repair the damage already done.
My teens are doing okay. They've both had hurdles to overcome and they've done so admirably. They've discovered their strengths and can now laugh off most of the rumours they hear about themselves. That doesn't mean it's been easy for them - rumours and bullying (and the effect they have) are a large part of why they both no longer attend the local high school they were at before. They've been fortunate though. Lots of kids cop this sort of thing and not all of them make it through. Not all kids come from stable, secure homes. Some of them are hanging on by a thread before they get to school in the morning and it might just take one comment to tip them over the edge.
What surprises me the most, especially when I look through the Facebook pages of those who have spread rumours about my kids, is that it seems like they should know better. They are going through the same stuff. These are young people who share meaningful quotes about anxiety, depression and suicide. Most of them are desperately searching for approval, understanding and acceptance themselves ... yet they don't have it for their peers. Why do so many teens think that they can build themselves up by climbing over others? Why aren't they interested in supporting each other and creating friendships?
This is not a whinge about 'young people of today'. Most young people I know are really lovely and don't deserve the bad rap they can get from older people who have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager. I just wonder what example we're setting as parents (and grandparents) when our young people aren't tolerant of each other.
I can't be the only parent who says, 'Hang on, maybe there is something going on with that person that you don't know about ... don't be too quick to judge,' or, 'Are you sure you've got the whole story about that person, or is it something that's been made up about them?' Don't we all ask our kids to question the truth of what they hear? Isn't that part of our job as their parents?
I have occasionally walked past other adults who have scowled at my children, so it seems a lot of parents tend to believe what they hear about other people's kids too. Gossip is easy to listen to. I wonder what stories will do the rounds next week?
Here's a deal for everyone: how about you don't believe everything you hear about my kids ... and I won't believe everything I hear about yours ;-)
