Feeling Tops Again

I spent a few days last week dealing with a very unkind tummy bug. It wasn't Covid (I tested) and I'm not calling it gastro, because thankfully my backside wasn't involved. But I spent all that time lying there, vomiting, alternately shivering and sweating because my temperature was all over the place, holding my aching head, sleeping in short bursts and finally sitting when I could manage it, on a bed that has always been a little too firm for my liking ... and I made a few important realisations.

1. We need to get our bedroom ceiling fan fixed. The settings that work are "super slow" and "Watch out for the blades!". There's no middle speed anymore; that hasn't worked for ages. It didn't bother me before, but when my temperature was fluctuating so much I really needed the option of all three settings.

2. I do too much for everybody in my family. I've said it many times, but this really brought it to the fore. The first morning I could hear everything going to pieces in another room, the only thought in my pounding head was, "who cares, they'll just have to work it all out without me." The realisation that I could feel so dismissive about it was shocking, but surprisingly freeing.

3. I have exhausted myself by being available as much as I could be to help our daughter with her toddler, who is really getting too heavy for me to hold for long periods and who sees me as an extra mother rather than her Nanna. My poor, not-getting-any-younger body is hating me for that first part now and the second part was causing unnecessary stress to my daughter.

And 4. That bloody mattress needed something done with it. It's bad enough lying in bed feeling like you can't lift your head without it exploding, without the extra discomfort of lower back and hip pain from a too-firm mattress.

So, now that I'm recovered, I'm implementing some changes.

1. We'll get an electrician out to find the middle speed on our fan.

2. Everyone is doing more around the house. If I feel the urge to do a job FOR someone, I'm learning to stop and remind them to do it themselves. When the kids were small we tried to instill good habits, but our routines slipped as they got older. I said in my last post that I am better now at taking time for myself, and that is true. But when it comes to daily tasks around the house I tend to just DO those. It's my own habit. My boys don't worry about dishes piling up or laundry on the bathroom floor because I always take care of it. It's time to change that, and the family are all aware and co-operative.

3. I spoke with my daughter about me stepping back more so that she can focus on her little girl and I can have less of a caregiver role (as much as we can manage in our current shared-living arrangement). We are on the same page about how to move forward with this and I'm hoping Baby J will see me less as second mother and I can really enjoy just being her Nanna. One change is simply me leaving the living area in the evenings so she only has her Mummy for company while winding down for bed. (The Caveman already does this, retreating to his computer room, so I'm just following his lead). The plus for me is that I will get an hour or so to myself in my room, to relax, read, meditate or whatever I feel like.

And 4. In the best news yet, we now have a mattress topper! I picked one out online on the first day I could stand looking at a screen. The Caveman drove out and picked it up for me and we've both slept beautifully for three nights now. My body is so grateful, as is my heart. He has loved our mattress ever since we first bought it - he prefers a very firm bed and, being autistic, doesn't take change easily once he likes something - but he didn't hesitate to compromise for me on the topper when he realised just how much trouble I have with it now. As an added bonus, it turns out he's pretty happy with the topper too.

I'm aware that running myself ragged is probably a big part of why I got so sick, not to mention the general emotional detachment I've felt towards work (and life in general) lately. I'll be back at work in a couple of days and I'm interested to see if my enthusiasm for the job returns a bit, with me being under less pressure at home. By sheer coincidence, my daughter also recently scaled back her work hours dramatically, so she and I are bringing in some changes for the whole family which should help the entire household run more smoothly.

So here's to a positive approach to the rest of the year ... and no more vomiting bugs, please!

Riding the Rails

It's a new year and already I'm behind! I didn't make a Christmas blog post, or a new year one like I normally would. The end of the year got very hectic and everything caught up with me a little bit. I'm currently on a ten day holiday from work and, to be honest, this is the first time I've felt relaxed in months.

I was definitely burning out.

I didn't make a new year's resolution, but I have kind of promised myself that I'll try not to take on other people's stresses so much. Last year saw a couple of our family members dealing with a lot of personal pressures and, as the wife and mum, I definitely took that on. I am also trying to just be more relaxed in general and take time and space for myself.

At the start of my break I got my son to drive me 2 hours to my sister's house in Brisbane. JUST ME. Normally it's a family trip - and we did all see her at Christmas and New Year. But this was for her birthday and she and I both just needed a relaxing weekend on our own. No kids, no men, no toddlers! We had the best couple of days but, apart from visiting the cemetery and doing a little shopping, we stayed in her house the entire time. We chatted a lot and watched some television. We also looked after a family of cats that she pet-sits occasionally for a friend, so that was an extra treat.

By the time I left her house a few days later I was super relaxed, ready to come home and enjoy the rest of my time off. She drove me to the nearest train station and we waited. And waited. And waited. There were a couple of other people waiting too and none of us could understand why the train wasn't coming. Many of Brisbane's suburban train stations are unmanned, so there were no staff to ask. Then I pulled out my phone and checked the local transport website, which I was still learning how to use, only to discover that train line was temporarily closed. No suburban trains were coming that day and I really needed to get into the city to make the connection with the Sunshine Coast train that would bring me home.

There were a couple of signs at the station (what a shame they couldn't have been bigger or more "LOOK AT ME!" in nature, we might have seen them earlier). We noticed them on our way out - just typical. Even then, at the written suggestion of where to catch a substitute bus from, my sister (an actual local) said, "I don't even know where those streets are!" Luckily, thanks to the internet and Google Maps, we figured it out. She drove me to the bus stop, where I was not helped at all by a transport worker who couldn't really answer any of my questions (that was frustrating) then I took a chance and jumped onto the next express bus that arrived. Thankfully that bus took me to a station where I was able to catch a train into the city where I needed to be. I had missed the first Sunshine Coast train I was intending to catch, but I was so late I didn't have to wait too long to catch the next (and only other) one. It all worked out well.

What a morning it had turned out to be, but I was calm throughout the entire process. I lived in Brisbane when I was younger and caught buses and trains all the time, so despite finding the website confusing I was confident that I could figure it out. Plus, I knew I could always go back to my sister's place and try again the next day.

I did enjoy the buses and trains; I'd be happy to travel that way more often. Next time though, I'll make sure I check the website more thoroughly for track closures!