Easter Fun

It's Easter and my kids have just completed a treasure hunt. Not for the eggs the Easter Bunny brings - they will come later in the day and just be scattered across the floor while the kids are playing outside. The treasure hunt was for the chocolate treat their Dad and I bought them.

Rather than just give them their eggs/bunnies, we will hand the kids a clue written on a piece of paper. Something like "Look inside the washing machine". There they will find the next clue ... and so on. It makes it so much fun for everyone, the kids love following the clues and we love watching them run around the house wondering if the next clue will give the location of the "prize".

We discovered the treasure hunt when our teenager was in Preschool. He was having some trouble learning his words and we wanted to help. We did the usual trick of labeling objects around the house, little stickers everywhere with "door", "shelf", "bed", etc, written on them. At some point though, we came up with the idea of a treasure hunt - something that would really get his interest and inspire him to WANT to read the words on the paper. I went and bought him a very cheap little toy and we buried it in a box in the sandpit. Then I wrote out the clues (at his age then, I drew pictures beside the words to help him). He loved it, following each clue until he dug up his prize from the sand. It was a lot of fun for him and, as a reading activity, it worked a treat.

Since then, treasure hunts have been a semi-regular feature in the Crazy Cave. We have used it for birthday presents and other special occasions, as well as just for a fun activity every now and then.

For today's hunt, I changed things up a little. Usually the three kids walk around as a group, finding the clues and reading them together until they get to the prize. The older two are great at helping their little brother with the clues (and of course he is now the one who benefits most from this exercise as a reading activity).

This time I had them working in a group for the first half dozen clues, then they found one that said they should each look under their own pillow. From there, they had separate clues to follow, which turned out to be even more fun - they were all moving in different directions and at different speeds. It was great to just watch and enjoy their enthusiasm - which is always the best part for parents.

When the Easter Bunny comes, he'll scatter a few dozen small eggs on the floor which the kids will then race around collecting when they come in and see them there. It's still the main event, but maybe on a smaller scale than in most homes. Partly because we only have one "believer" in the house - although his big brother and sister are great at playing along and getting into the spirit of the day for him - and also because it's the way we've always done it.

Mythical creatures don't get a lot of credit in our house, they are more of a token symbol (I'm the same about Santa, actually ... he only fills the stockings. Maybe it's selfish, but I like the kids to know the big expensive gifts come from us!).

I wish you all a very happy Easter, whether you celebrate it from a religious perspective or just as a devoted chocoholic like me :-)

On a Serious Note ...

 
It's time for a serious blog. This one is about my man having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I started typing about it a few weeks ago, but decided not to share it because it was so long (and depressing to read - I must have needed to vent that day!). The reality is though, living with a long-term chronic illness is not easy ... for the sufferer or their loved ones.

So, since this is my blog and what I share here may be helpful to someone else, I have decided to share an insight into our life with anyone who would care to read on ...

The Caveman has had CFS since his mid-twenties - around fifteen years now. It started with a bout of Glandular Fever a few years before that, which apparently caused what the doctors called "Cyclic Fatigue" ... meaning simply that symptoms of chronic fatigue came and went.

He would be well for a while, settle into a new job, then come down with CFS and lose that job as a result, be well again a few months later, find a new job, then come down with it again .... well, you get the idea. Most employers don't have a lot of patience with a worker who just can't get himself out of bed in the morning because of an "invisible" illness.

CFS is not a very well understood condition and was even less so back in the nineties. A lot of people just didn't believe it was a real condition, so the reaction my man got from employers was also exhibited by his friends, associates and even family members, who thought he was being lazy and should try harder. Never mind that, when I first met him, he had a great work ethic. He had a very physical job and loved it.  He was also incredibly fit, going to the gym regularly and playing competitive cricket every weekend - he was a formidable fast bowler - the epitome of the expression "work hard, play hard".
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After being cyclic for a period of time, it progressed into full-blown CFS. In the years since then, I have lost count of the number of doctors he has seen and blood tests he has had, with no clear answers as to what causes this or what can be done about it. Then there are all the times well-meaning people have said to us, "Oh, I knew someone who had that and they got rid of it by trying (insert random alternative therapy here)". We know it's natural for people to share ideas that they really believe will work and we are still open to suggestions. The fact is, every case is different and, after all these years, we haven't come across any definitive cure. He has tried dietary changes, lifestyle changes, hot/cold therapy, various vitamin supplements, crystals, massage, counselling (in case it was being triggered by something emotional) ... the list goes on. No-one can explain why he has had it for so long either.

CFS has had a huge impact on the Caveman's self-esteem and confidence. He is on a pension as he hasn't been able to work for years. He has suffered from severe depression as he came to terms with not being able to work and provide for his family. He has put on weight, but it is a struggle for him to perform even basic regular exercise to get rid of it. He still plays cricket with a local team during Summer, to try to maintain some level of fitness and self-belief, but he has had to give up fast bowling and focus more on batting - he has become a big hitter of the ball so that he doesn't have to do much running between the wickets. He gets tired, angry, frustrated and downright moody at times, because he can't live the life he wants to.

As for the impact on the rest of us ... well, I get tired and frustrated too. We joke that he is my fourth child, and it's true that I often have to look after him as well as the kids. The fact that he is at home full-time, while I've been a full-time mum, meant a major adjustment to our relationship - most couples get a break from each other and the "daily grind" for at least a few hours a day. I sometimes envy my friends who have fit, healthy husbands - I know they don't cringe at the thought of other people asking what their man does for a living. Then I feel guilty, as though I am letting my husband down by even thinking that way.

It's hard on the kids as well. They know their Dad can't do a lot of running around with them. They don't get to see him going off to work every day like all the other Dads. They know that, because of the lack of work income, we can't afford to do a lot of the great things they see their friends doing. As much as we've tried to shield them from it, they have even heard other people talk about what their much-loved Dad "should" be able to do.

Those things hurt. The Caveman worries enough about the example he sets for our kids. Like any decent father, he just wants to be a good role model for them.

Despite all this, we do look for the positives. He enjoys being a full-time Dad. He has seen milestones that other Dads often miss out on. When he has the energy, he helps out at school and with any other activities our kids are involved in. He is a good husband - my best friend, in fact - which means us being together 24/7 is not always the hardship it might be for some couples. He is very supportive of my efforts to get back into the workforce and I know that, if I get a job that doesn't fit in with school hours, he will pick up the slack for me where the kids are concerned.

He is a genuinely funny guy, as well as being easy to talk to, and we usually find something to laugh about in almost any situation. When we have had an added hardship to deal with - my post natal depression, his father's death - I have admired the inner strength he has shown. He is optimistic about getting healthier (and back to work) as time goes on and I have faith in him achieving that goal.

Of course there are difficulties, especially if he is having a particularly bad day, but we work through them together. In many ways, this experience has made us stronger as a couple and closer as a family.

This journey through CFS has a big impact on our day-to-day lives, as well as our relationships with other people. We have learned to take each day as it comes and accept that there will always be others who refuse to believe it's really that bad - it's another one of those experiences you just don't understand unless you go through it yourself (and we wouldn't wish it on anyone).

Ours is certainly not the only family living with a chronic illness, nor do we have the worst one to deal with. We work on keeping our sense of humour and being thankful for what we do have ... making the most of the life we have now and trusting that there is a brighter future ahead.

But it said Anti Burst ...

Here in the Crazy Cave, we have recently re-discovered exercise (or balance) balls. You know, the big inflatable balls that you sit on and do exercises (to strengthen your core muscles, among other things).

I say "re-discovered" because I had one about ten years ago. I absolutely loved it for the couple of months that I used it daily - I was so toned and fit! Then the ball developed a leak. As it slowly deflated (and I didn't rush out and buy another one), my interest waned. Bad move ... I lost all that beautiful muscle tone I'd worked so hard to achieve.

Not that I really cared at the time, life was so busy with a house renovation and two small children to take care of. I looked back fondly on my time with my ball as one of those exercise "fads" that we all experience at some point.

Back to the present ... a little before Christmas, the Caveman and I were discussing the back pain he had been experiencing. We figured out that the seat he was sitting on while using the computer was probably causing the problem. Our solution was to buy a couple of exercise balls, thinking that they would be better for posture while sitting at the computer and they could be used for fitness as an added bonus.

It was a brilliant idea. The Caveman was absolutely thrilled with his new "computer chair" and the spare one we got was well used by the kids and myself too - it made a great spare seat in front of the telly AND we got to exercise with it as well!

Also, of course, it gave the boys in the house (and I include the Caveman in this) much cause for lots of jokes referring to "their balls".

Then the hot season arrived. In our research before buying the balls we had double checked things like what size ball you should have for your height and how firm the balls should be when fully inflated. We even made sure we bought the "Anti Burst!!" type. What we didn't find out was that it is a good idea to release some air from the balls in hot or humid weather, as they expand in the heat.

This was a lesson learned the hard way. I arrived home from a trip into town recently, only to be greeted by my children with giggled warnings. "Mum, whatever you do, don't laugh at Dad when he tells you what happened while you were gone." What?? I went inside to check on the Caveman, only to be told that his ball had burst in the heat. Worse, he had been sitting on it at the time.

Luckily my man can laugh at himself. He wasn't offended by the fact that I couldn't help chuckling as he regaled me with the dramatic story of his sudden trip to the floor, landing on his hip. There he was, concentrating intently on something he was reading on the screen, when all of a sudden .. BANG! Followed quickly by THUMP as he hit the floor. He hit his elbow on the way down but was otherwise okay. Stunned, but okay.

We still have the spare ball, which is used mostly by our teenager, but even he has fallen off it and bruised his tailbone.

The moral of the story is that exercise balls are great for improving core strength and posture, as long as you're using them sensibly and remember to let out some air at the height of Summer.

It might take a while, but I'm sure one day the Caveman will consider sitting on one again.