Our Roller Coaster Ride

I'm ashamed to say I have let my blog slip in recent times, while we've been having a hectic few months in the Crazy Cave.

In all honesty, I haven't felt much like blogging. The problem is, I like to keep it light and happy ... which can sometimes feel false when there hasn't been a lot of 'light and happy' going on.

We've been on a roller coaster ride with our teenagers .. and I don't mean the fun kind. I know everyone has trouble with their teens; it's a pretty standard thing for most parents to experience at some point. We go through all the usual issues - they argue with us over chores, they want more money to spend, they want to spend time with friends we may not approve of. At times, they don't like school, don't like their brother or sister, don't like us. Standard stuff that I'm sure most parents can relate to.

However, when issues such as bullying, social pressure and depression come into play, things get more serious. I've learned some things I never wanted to know about first-hand.

- I know how hard it is to keep sending your child to school when they are still being bullied and shamed over lies that were spread by another student over a year ago.

- I know how much pressure the school system can put on students by expecting them to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives, when most of them don't even know what they'll be doing on the weekend.

- I know what a struggle it is to watch your child not fitting in with that same school system, where it's mostly about making the school look good rather than helping students who are struggling.

- I know how it feels to take your child to a psychologist, and buy them anti-depressant medication.

- I know how surreal it feels to have to search your child's room for anything they may self-harm with. It's amazing (and scary) to discover what 'tools' they will utilise for the purpose.

- I even know what it feels like to hear that my child has been physically attacked by another teen, resulting in a visit to the hospital and the police station and a subsequent assault charge.

I've mixed up that list, to avoid singling out which of our teens has had which issues ... but when you read through it, it's all pretty scary. All this while dealing with another family member having an extended hospital stay for a fairly serious condition, plus the usual family issues (work, bills, etc) and my poor Caveman struggling with his Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - it's mostly under control, but always hovering in the background, and exacerbated by stress! For a time there, I worried about my own mental health ... with so much happening, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and just want to run away from everything. I usually don't mind that I don't have close friends nearby, but there have been times over the past 6 months when I could have done with someone, outside of family, to confide in over a coffee.

I believe it's our job to give our kids loving support and let them know they can achieve anything, so it was probably natural to feel like a failure as a parent when I realised that my children felt worthless. I try to remind them not to compare themselves to all the other kids who seem to be so successful. We are all on our own individual journeys and what we present to the outside world is only a small facet of who we are - and let's face it, we don't put the really bad stuff out there for anyone. I'm only bringing it up now because it's easier to talk about after things have settled down.

One of our teens has now left high school. 'Dropped out', is probably the official term, but is it really dropping out when leaving the school is the best option available? That child is now a much happier person, attending another educational centre where everyone learns at their own pace. The environment is a good, friendly one and the staff are supportive of all their students, regardless of ability.

Our other teen seems to be coping better with their issues too, and the two of them are getting along much better these days. Maybe each having their struggles has brought them closer? They've certainly both matured and grown through their experiences, and made me even more proud of them than I already was.

I've learned something else during the past few months (although, really, it was something I already knew). It's the importance of hugging my child, whether they think they need it or not ... because we all do.