I love my job, but it's nice to have a break from it. In fact, I took this opportunity to have a break from everything. I didn't go anywhere or spend time catching up with many people - COVID is too much of a concern (and that's a great excuse for holidaying at home anyway!). The only person I really saw was one of my sisters, who came to stay for a week and always just slots in like one of the family. We drank coffee, did some gardening, and lots of talking.
It's lovely to just take time for me. It's not something I do often, or easily. My wonderful Caveman gave me a laptop for Christmas, and I only started spending time with it on this break. Like most mums, I tend to put off doing something I might enjoy in favour of getting the laundry or shopping done first. I also don't accept help easily, from my husband or anyone else. Maybe I just don't have faith that chores will be done the way I like them! I am also accustomed to taking things on so that the Caveman doesn't have to wear himself out - it's a role I developed over years of him suffering chronic fatigue. Nowadays his energy levels are generally better, so I'm aware that it kind of undermines him when I do this, but undoing the habit is taking some time.
Thanks to COVID, school started back two weeks late this year, so I also got to spend this time with my youngest Caveman. I've commented before that I worry he hasn't had as much of my time as the other kids got, as I went back to work just as he was starting school. Having said that, it has actually been good for him to not be able to rely on me for everything. In many respects, he is more independent than his older siblings were at this age. I'm also aware that many mums have to go back to work when their children are much younger, so I was really very lucky - or stubborn!
When I was a child, my mum often spoke of "latch-key kids" and her determination that her own children would never have to arrive home after school to an empty house. It was very important to her that we always have a parent at home through the day and I guess I came into motherhood with a similar mindset. I did love being a stay-at-home mum and I clung to that until I absolutely had to go back to work. In fact, if I'd taken the plunge sooner, we would probably have been in a better position now. When we had to sell our house and go back to renting in 2011, we were both unemployed and - at that time - had no clear prospects ahead of us. However, there is nothing to be gained by regretting past decisions. We all do what we feel is right for us at the time.
I do make sure that my hours are compatible with the times I really want to be at home. I'm fortunate that my job allows for some flexibility, so I start after I've done the morning routine and school run. The finish time doesn't matter as much because the Caveman does the afternoon pickup, but I'm usually done between 4 and 5 pm. I also work every second weekend and the hours are longer then, but we have very few commitments on the weekends these days, so that suits us.
I've had moments I've resented having to go to work - which I know everyone can relate to! After years of helping in the classroom, or going along to watch my husband and eldest son play their cricket matches on the weekends, it was difficult to adjust to not being available for those things anymore. Also, when I was working in a residential facility, the shift times were not flexible at all ... so if I had a 6.30 am start or a 10.30 pm finish, we just had to deal with it.
Sometimes I can't believe I've been an aged care worker for nearly 8 years already. The time really has flown by and occasionally I do wonder what I might do next. I know I won't be in this job forever; the work can be mentally and physically exhausting, especially now I'm going through peri-menopause at the same time. I take great pride in my job, but I need to put my health first. I recently dropped my hours back so that I'm working less days per week. Of course there has been a dip in our finances as a result, so that's always a balancing act.
Having said all that, my couple of weeks off was so relaxing that I felt like I'd been on holiday for a month! I went back to work incredibly refreshed. I was happy to see my regular clients again and I know they are happy to have me back.
My son is at school today and my daughter finished her short holiday as well, so it feels like we're all back into the swing of things for the new year.
