The 12th of August is our wedding anniversary. This year marks 24 years since we married - and we'd met four years before that, so we've actually been together for 28 years
We are always quite proud of our anniversaries, partly because we have had a lot of ups and downs to contend with over the course of our relationship - and there have definitely been some rocky patches.
But we're also proud because we came from separated homes ourselves. In both cases our parents separated but still got along well with each other and maintained a friendship after getting through the initial split, so the term "broken home" doesn't feel quite right to me. We've each lost a parent in recent years and it's been just as upsetting for the other parent - their ex - as it was for anyone else in the family.
The Caveman and I are both very aware that we were incredibly lucky to have that example from our parents, so friendship has always been the foundation of our relationship. We talk to each other the way you'd talk to a best friend and, to be honest, it always surprises me when I speak to other people who don't have that kind of relationship with their partner. If you can't be completely open with the person you've chosen to spend your life with then ... why?
Obviously I know there are many and varied reasons for different relationships being the way they are and a lot of couples are quite happy not sharing every little detail with their partner. I also know that our method wouldn't work for everyone - heck, there have been times it hasn't quite worked for us! It is possible to talk too much and still not resolve anything. For the Caveman, being on the autistic spectrum means he tends to overthink and the easiest way for him to process that is to also over-talk. I'm not on the spectrum but I was raised in a family where everything was shared and discussed thoroughly, so it's really not surprising that the two of us together tend to talk most topics to death. It's such a natural thing for us that we've only become more aware of it as the kids have grown older. So now we try to be mindful around their partners and friends ... who perhaps haven't grown up the same way and might find us a bit overwhelming.
Even we do occasionally have times where we feel like we're just going around in circles without achieving an outcome and one of us will say, "Okay, I'm done with the talking!"
For the most part though, our communication has been a lifeline for our relationship. We are honest with each other and we are both prepared to hear the other out if there is an issue. We might get a bit defensive if we feel like we're being criticised (and we certainly argue), but we both prefer to hear the problem and work through it rather than pretend that everything is alright.
We've always agreed that the three things you need for a good marriage are friendship, communication and laughter. Laughter is super important - and no, I don't mean laughing AT each other (although that's great too, done in the right way!). But to be able to make each other laugh and to find a shared humour even in hard times is a real blessing.
On a lighter note, a couple that we're friends with actually got married today, on our anniversary! We were unable to attend, primarily due to my work commitments, but we sent them our best wishes and I did point out to the bride some weeks ago that I thought they'd picked a fantastic date for the big day. After all, it's been a lucky date for us.
