Christmas

The year is coming to an end, and boy, what a year it's been!

Of course, the biggest change to our family came in June, with the arrival of our gorgeous little granddaughter. Baby J has added so much to our lives. We can't remember when we were this busy, but we adore her and she is just so rewarding. Of course, at 6 months of age now, she is really developing her own little personality and is very interactive with everyone.

Our daughter, through becoming a mother, has grown so much. She is a happy single mum - gone are the bad old days when having a baby on your own at a young age was considered "ruining your life". She has a good, supportive social group; they're a good mix of single friends as well as other mums of varying ages. She's also gone back to work two days a week as a hairdressing apprentice, which is great for her confidence, and those are the days the baby goes to her Daddy's house. Our daughter and her ex work together to include both families in their baby girl's life and she brings everyone so much joy.

We usually have a big Christmas at our house, with family coming from a couple of hours away to spend the day (or a few days!) with us. This year is looking a little more low-key, as it will just be the Caveman's mother joining us for the day. We will have a couple more family members arriving on Boxing Day, but won't be seeing our eldest son who lives a few hours away - he came for a visit last week though, so that makes up for it somewhat.

We haven't had the same happy, excited mood we usually have leading up to Christmas. It's a combination of me working a lot recently, the Caveman dealing with some mental health issues, us all being busy and muddling our way through a couple of financial struggles. Things have been hard, that's for sure. However, as the big day has been drawing closer, I've found I'm getting a bit more enthusiastic about it. Perhaps it comes down to the effort that goes into choosing a gift for someone you care about. Up until I had time to focus on what I was giving each person, I just didn't have time to really care about it.

Anyway, now it's Christmas Eve and we have everything ready for a pretty casual day tomorrow ... the best kind of Christmas, really. Of course, our baby grandaughter having her first Christmas is a pretty big deal, so we are all looking forward to that.

The important thing, as always, is that we get to spend time with loved ones, remember those gone and enjoy the moment while we have it.

Senior Moment

I wrote a blog post in 2019 about a funny moment I'd had with a client at work. I was making the man's lunch when he looked me up and down and commented, 'you know, you've still got an alright figure for an old bird.'

I was a bit shocked, but we shared a laugh about it and moved on.

I do recall thinking at the time, "Wow, I must be starting to show my age." Luckily, I was able to laugh at the absurdity of the comment, coming from a much older person, and didn't let it bother me too much.

I was reminded of this moment recently, when my Caveman had an unfortunate experience. He was walking through one of our local shopping centres and a small child who was running ahead of his mother almost ran into his legs. The mother called out to her son, "Be careful, you nearly bumped into that old man!"

Now, this poor "old" husband of mine turned 50 this year. Granted, he has less hair than he used to, and what he does have tends to stick up at all angles in a "mad professor" style. He is currently wearing an outdated pair of glasses because his good ones are broken and he's waiting for a new pair to arrive. He also walks with an awkward gait - this is partly due to his autism, but mainly because his body is a little worn out from his previous life as a semi-serious cricket player. Of course, we also became grandparents this year. But to be referred to as an OLD man?

Naturally, this didn't please him. He confessed to me later that he was actually a bit hurt when it happened. Luckily, by the time he was back in the car and driving home, he was able to see the funny side of the incident. As a result, he was able to tell us all the story of it that night, knowing that we would give him a bit of gentle ribbing about his age. Which, of course, we did. I mean, how could we not?

I did point out to him that the little boy's mother might not have taken a good look at him ... or she may have even realised her mistake and berated herself as she walked away. He responded that I'll be 50 myself in less than a year from now and to see how I feel when it happens to me. He has a point. None of us like to be mistaken for being older than we are. For now though, I don't feel old yet and I don't believe 50 counts as old anyway.

Of course, we'll see if I'm still that positive about it when the time comes!

Listen and Learn

My daughter and I had a difficult conversation a few days ago. She was in a bit of a mood and decided it was time to tell her father and me what she thinks of our parenting.

Not how we raised HER, specifically, more about how we're raising our youngest son compared to our older two kids. It was the standard complaint of, "He gets away with so much more than we did, he should be doing more chores around the house."

You see, our Cavegirl and her older brother are six and eight years older than our youngest, respectively. It's not that large a gap really, but the changes to our world that happened in that time affected a lot. When she and her big brother were small, the internet was still young. We barely touched our computer for entertainment purposes. We had mobile phones, but they weren't "smart". We had some movies in DVD format, but nothing available to watch online and we even kept pay tv to a minimum. It wasn't just the electronic side of things either; our life circumstances were different. We were both home full-time and spent any spare time and energy we had renovating the house we lived in. We allowed the kids to help us where they could and we occasionally gave them jobs to do around the house.

Fast-forward a few years and their younger brother came into a slightly different world. When he was small, we sold our house and went back to renting. We both got jobs outside of the home. The whole family used the computer a lot more and the internet played a much bigger part in our family entertainment, with online games, YouTube and smartphones becoming the norm. He has naturally been exposed to more screen time than the older two were at the same age. We still encouraged outdoor activity, but our youngest never enjoyed sport as much as the others had.

As time has gone on and our life has become so busy, we probably have let him get away with more than his older siblings did. It hasn't helped that the Caveman and I have been more involved with work and have had less energy for chasing up on making sure chores were done and that sort of thing. I'm guilty of falling into the same bad habits as any other busy mum ... you'd think, when you're time-poor, that you'd be better at delegating jobs to other family members. However, the truth is it's often easier and faster to just do the jobs yourself when you realise they haven't been done by anyone else.

The fact is, we've never pushed our children that hard - and even the older two weren't given as much to do as our Cavegirl is remembering. But it's natural for us all to recall things slightly differently to how they really were, so I allowed her to say her piece. As a new mum herself, it's important for her to think about this stuff, and I can handle some constructive criticism. I know at the age of 15 my boy is capable of, and should be, doing more to help around the house.

When she finished what she had to say and looked at me a little nervously, I gave her a hug and thanked her. That might seem a strange response, but I was so proud of her for being brave enough to tell me what she thought ... and I know how hard it is to tell someone (especially your parent!) that you think they could be doing something better. I remember feeling the same way about my mum and how she parented my younger brother many years ago and I'm not sure I could have approached the subject with her as maturely as my daughter did with me.

I guess the moral of the story is that we can all learn from each other. I've always taught my children that respect is a two-way street and that I will listen to their opinions with the same consideration I would give any other person. They may see things differently to me and I can learn from that.

The beautiful result is that my kids have now grown into young adults who respect other peoples' opinions too.

The Wild West

The Caveman and I have recently returned from an amazing 5-day getaway to the other side of the country.

My best friend lives in a region south of Perth and we decided a couple of years ago that we should save up and splash out on a visit to her. She has family on our side of the country and normally we only get to see her when she comes across to see them - and then only if she's visiting Queensland. It's a long and expensive trip, so it doesn't happen often.

Our original plan was to go last year, as a treat for her birthday, but Covid travel restrictions meant we had to postpone. We put the trip back nearly a year and finally went last month.

It was the Caveman's first visit to Western Australia. I lived there for a few years as a child, but further north ... so, even though I do have some memories of Perth, this felt like my first time seeing it properly. We stayed in central Perth for the first and last nights of our holiday, but the other three nights we stayed about an hour south of the city, in our friend's home region.

We were lucky with the weather. There were predictions of cold and rainy days for the duration of our visit but we were pleasantly surprised when most of the days ended up being more dry than expected.

The activities we did were varied and interesting. Of course the most important aim of the trip was to spend time with a dear friend. However, you can't go nearly 4000 kms (five and a half hours on the plane!) to a new place and not have a list of things you'd like to do or see while there. We managed to do everything on our list, which we were absolutely thrilled with. We saw lots of nature, firstly at the extensive botanic gardens in Perth, then also seeing wildflowers and flowering native shrubs on the sides of the road everywhere we went. We also saw fossilised rocks (that was for my paleontology-loving Caveman), paid our respects at a couple of significant Aboriginal sites and visited the historic Fremantle Prison to learn more about the convict era. We toured a number of small towns with our friend and got a feel for where she has lived much of her life. As an added bonus, we were able to catch up with another friend who happened to move to the area just a few years ago. The two friends are completely unrelated to each other and have never even met, so it's sheer coincidence that they live in the same region now! Great for us on this trip though.

The flight back to Queensland was only four hours long, apparently thanks to the way the winds move over Australia. Meteorology is not my strong point, so I didn't pay attention to the details, but I was grateful for the faster trip home - although I was very sad to leave WA and our friend.

All in all, it was a fantastic holiday and one we would happily do again in future if the opportunity ever presents itself. In fact, with more money and time available, we'd go further and see more of Western Australia, perhaps even getting up towards where my family lived when I was young, in the Pilbara region.

Now THAT would be the trip of a lifetime!

The Best Date

The 12th of August is our wedding anniversary. This year marks 24 years since we married - and we'd met four years before that, so we've actually been together for 28 years

We are always quite proud of our anniversaries, partly because we have had a lot of ups and downs to contend with over the course of our relationship - and there have definitely been some rocky patches.

But we're also proud because we came from separated homes ourselves. In both cases our parents separated but still got along well with each other and maintained a friendship after getting through the initial split, so the term "broken home" doesn't feel quite right to me. We've each lost a parent in recent years and it's been just as upsetting for the other parent - their ex - as it was for anyone else in the family.

The Caveman and I are both very aware that we were incredibly lucky to have that example from our parents, so friendship has always been the foundation of our relationship. We talk to each other the way you'd talk to a best friend and, to be honest, it always surprises me when I speak to other people who don't have that kind of relationship with their partner. If you can't be completely open with the person you've chosen to spend your life with then ... why?

Obviously I know there are many and varied reasons for different relationships being the way they are and a lot of couples are quite happy not sharing every little detail with their partner. I also know that our method wouldn't work for everyone - heck, there have been times it hasn't quite worked for us! It is possible to talk too much and still not resolve anything. For the Caveman, being on the autistic spectrum means he tends to overthink and the easiest way for him to process that is to also over-talk. I'm not on the spectrum but I was raised in a family where everything was shared and discussed thoroughly, so it's really not surprising that the two of us together tend to talk most topics to death. It's such a natural thing for us that we've only become more aware of it as the kids have grown older. So now we try to be mindful around their partners and friends ... who perhaps haven't grown up the same way and might find us a bit overwhelming.

Even we do occasionally have times where we feel like we're just going around in circles without achieving an outcome and one of us will say, "Okay, I'm done with the talking!"

For the most part though, our communication has been a lifeline for our relationship. We are honest with each other and we are both prepared to hear the other out if there is an issue. We might get a bit defensive if we feel like we're being criticised (and we certainly argue), but we both prefer to hear the problem and work through it rather than pretend that everything is alright.

We've always agreed that the three things you need for a good marriage are friendship, communication and laughter. Laughter is super important - and no, I don't mean laughing AT each other (although that's great too, done in the right way!). But to be able to make each other laugh and to find a shared humour even in hard times is a real blessing.

On a lighter note, a couple that we're friends with actually got married today, on our anniversary! We were unable to attend, primarily due to my work commitments, but we sent them our best wishes and I did point out to the bride some weeks ago that I thought they'd picked a fantastic date for the big day. After all, it's been a lucky date for us.

Welcome, Baby Girl

Moving on to happier news after my previous post ...

Just over two weeks ago we finally welcomed our beautiful baby granddaughter!

She was 5 days overdue when she decided to make her appearance and it was the greatest privilege of my life to be in the birthing suite for her delivery.

It wasn't the smoothest birth, but the midwives and doctor were just fantastic and our Cavegirl was an absolute champion. I was in awe of how she handled everything and, because the baby's father was there too, I also got to see little bub's first moments with her Mummy and Daddy ... oh, my heart!

Now we're seeing their transition into parenthood and it's beautiful to see how much they love her and are soaking in every moment. The Caveman and I really couldn't be more proud of them both. They are doing this together as much as possible. Our daughter's ex-partner absolutely adores his new baby girl and is very involved. He is not living with us anymore, but spends as much time at our house as he can manage around work, and they are really supporting each other through this major life adjustment. I don't know if they will ever get back to having a romantic relationship or just stay friends, but we don't mind either way. We just want them (and baby) to get along and be happy.

For the Caveman and me, "grandparenthood" feels pretty good so far! Having our daughter living with us means we can help as much as she needs us to. We are always happy to accept any baby cuddles that come our way, in order for her to catch up on sleep or have a shower. We know we are so lucky to have this arrangement, although we are careful about not stepping in without being asked. Our daughter has one end of the house to herself and only needs to share our kitchen, so she can be as separate from the rest of us as she wants to be.

(Just quietly, I think Mr 15 is very relieved about that, especially when the baby is unsettled!)

We had to choose what we would be called, which I actually found quite hard. The Caveman immediately decided he would be Poppy, or Pop, just as his father was to our kids and his grandfather had been to him. I knew I'd feel more comfortable with Nanna or Nanny than Grandma, but my Mum was Nanna to my kids, so it still feels a little strange to call myself that. As it turns out though, my daughter has been referring to me simply as "Nan" for her baby and I've discovered I do love that.

We are really enjoying this new chapter of our lives. Having a new little one to dote on again is a joyful experience and, as I said to a friend recently, there is nothing sweeter than seeing our baby girl completely in love with her own baby girl.

Technoblade Never Dies

For anyone unfamiliar with gaming streamers, they are people who play an online game and "stream" it on the internet for others to watch or participate in. Sounds like a waste of time, I know, but some are actually great to watch. Besides, there are people who watch more pointless shows on tv, in my opinion.

Yesterday we found out that our youngest son's favourite YouTube streamer, Technoblade, had passed away. He was 23 years old.

We knew Techno had cancer - he had informed his followers of his diagnosis months ago and kept everyone up to date with his progress even through chemotherapy, still putting out semi-regular content on YouTube. He kept his good humour and humility about his situation, while also raising awareness about sarcoma. He encouraged people to buy his merchandise, with proceeds going to the Sarcoma Foundation of America.

Having seen our older son lose one of his best friends a few years ago, to another form of sarcoma, this hit a bit close to home. I'd been worried that Technoblade's story might not have a happy ending either.

We sat down last night to watch the YouTube clip released by Technoblade's family on his behalf, announcing his death. It was devastating. Our son had already watched it, so he knew what was coming, but he still broke down upon watching it again.

He's 15 now ... showing his emotions in front of his family doesn't come easily to him these days. For me, seeing my boy break down at the loss of one of his idols was just heartbreaking. I held him and we cried together.

I cried for my son's grief, but also for all the other young people out there who have followed Technoblade and who will now have to come to terms with his death. I cried for Techno (or Alex, as we know now his real name to be). He seemed like a lovely guy who, like so many others, didn't deserve to die so young. I also cried for his family and what they must be going through now.

It is easy in these situations to think, but what about all the ordinary people who pass away from cancer? Why do we make such a big deal over a celebrity or online personality dying? I think it's often because they feel so real to us. If they're doing it right, we feel like we really know them personally. In the case of YoutTube gaming streamers, they are generally talking constantly to their audience while they play - you can't help but feel they are including you personally in what they're doing. Kids can feel much closer to their streaming idols than we ever got to feel to our celebrity idols when we were growing up. In Techno's case too, like most people with a public image to uphold, he always came across as so optimistic and confident that he could beat this thing.

It's also true that we sometimes don't give enough credit to our kids for understanding that there is a real human being behind the online persona, but they do get it ... and it hurts when a hero falls. There are many young streaming fans grieving right now and their grief is as real as if they had lost a member of their own family.

Technoblade's death has had a big impact; there are tributes and messages of support appearing in online communities all over the world. The creators of Minecraft and even the official Youtube channel have released tributes, acknowledging his contribution to their platforms. The Sarcoma Foundation of America have announced that he will be honoured with a Courage Award at their annual gala later this year.

Rest in peace, Technoblade.
In some ways, you really will never die x

Surprise, baby!

I was reading an article the other day about "cryptic" or "stealth" pregnancy. It's where the mother has no idea she's expecting a baby until halfway through the pregnancy or even, in some cases, until she goes into labour.