1. We need to get our bedroom ceiling fan fixed. The settings that work are "super slow" and "Watch out for the blades!". There's no middle speed anymore; that hasn't worked for ages. It didn't bother me before, but when my temperature was fluctuating so much I really needed the option of all three settings.
2. I do too much for everybody in my family. I've said it many times, but this really brought it to the fore. The first morning I could hear everything going to pieces in another room, the only thought in my pounding head was, "who cares, they'll just have to work it all out without me." The realisation that I could feel so dismissive about it was shocking, but surprisingly freeing.
3. I have exhausted myself by being available as much as I could be to help our daughter with her toddler, who is really getting too heavy for me to hold for long periods and who sees me as an extra mother rather than her Nanna. My poor, not-getting-any-younger body is hating me for that first part now and the second part was causing unnecessary stress to my daughter.
And 4. That bloody mattress needed something done with it. It's bad enough lying in bed feeling like you can't lift your head without it exploding, without the extra discomfort of lower back and hip pain from a too-firm mattress.
So, now that I'm recovered, I'm implementing some changes.
1. We'll get an electrician out to find the middle speed on our fan.
2. Everyone is doing more around the house. If I feel the urge to do a job FOR someone, I'm learning to stop and remind them to do it themselves. When the kids were small we tried to instill good habits, but our routines slipped as they got older. I said in my last post that I am better now at taking time for myself, and that is true. But when it comes to daily tasks around the house I tend to just DO those. It's my own habit. My boys don't worry about dishes piling up or laundry on the bathroom floor because I always take care of it. It's time to change that, and the family are all aware and co-operative.
3. I spoke with my daughter about me stepping back more so that she can focus on her little girl and I can have less of a caregiver role (as much as we can manage in our current shared-living arrangement). We are on the same page about how to move forward with this and I'm hoping Baby J will see me less as second mother and I can really enjoy just being her Nanna. One change is simply me leaving the living area in the evenings so she only has her Mummy for company while winding down for bed. (The Caveman already does this, retreating to his computer room, so I'm just following his lead). The plus for me is that I will get an hour or so to myself in my room, to relax, read, meditate or whatever I feel like.
And 4. In the best news yet, we now have a mattress topper! I picked one out online on the first day I could stand looking at a screen. The Caveman drove out and picked it up for me and we've both slept beautifully for three nights now. My body is so grateful, as is my heart. He has loved our mattress ever since we first bought it - he prefers a very firm bed and, being autistic, doesn't take change easily once he likes something - but he didn't hesitate to compromise for me on the topper when he realised just how much trouble I have with it now. As an added bonus, it turns out he's pretty happy with the topper too.
I'm aware that running myself ragged is probably a big part of why I got so sick, not to mention the general emotional detachment I've felt towards work (and life in general) lately. I'll be back at work in a couple of days and I'm interested to see if my enthusiasm for the job returns a bit, with me being under less pressure at home. By sheer coincidence, my daughter also recently scaled back her work hours dramatically, so she and I are bringing in some changes for the whole family which should help the entire household run more smoothly.
So here's to a positive approach to the rest of the year ... and no more vomiting bugs, please!
