Rising Again

In the past 10 months, there have been times I've thought, "I should do another blog post". Then I'd log on and see the last one, with the fire, and it would
take the wind right out of my sails.

The first half of this year was incredibly hard. The fire took a massive toll on us. After weeks of back and forth with the insurance company, trying to prove what we owned and that it was all IN the shed, we finally got a payout - which then wasn't as much as we had hoped for. It helped, certainly, but it didn't cover much of what we'd lost. Then it was two whole months
before the shed was demolished. Eight weeks of having the burnt-out shell sitting, roped off, in the yard. We couldn't walk, or even look, out the back of the house without being confronted by it. We all felt guilt for the fire happening, while still trying to come to terms with everything we'd lost.

The official fire report came as a complete shock - it was along the lines of "We can't determine for sure what started the fire, but hey, the police report said the kids had a smoking area nearby, so let's just go with that being the most likely cause". As a result, the homeowner's insurer decided that we owed them the amount they'd paid out to the owners for the loss of the shed. It was double what we'd got from our insurer - which we have nothing left of anyway, because we did what we were supposed to do and spent it on replacing what we could. That caused major stress for us, but the insurance companies are apparently battling it out between themselves in court.

These are all things I think of now whenever I hear there has been a fire. The "aftermath" stuff that no one ever knows about unless they experience it.

Our landlords got their payout for the shed and planned to build a new one, then decided to just put the house on the market instead. We could see their reasoning; they could keep the money from the shed, sell the house (for a great price in the current market) and be well on the way to financial freedom. I mean, of course that's the obvious way to go. It just put us in a terrible position. For rental tenants, this year has been the worst for finding a new place to live. We had visions of ending up camped by the river, like so many others in our area. The owners also still needed to do work on the house, which they'd been renovating since we moved in, so we had them around us regularly while we were all dealing with the fallout from the fire. They said we didn't have to rush to move, but really? By that stage, we just wanted to be out of there.

With the emotional toll of everything we were dealing with, and the unexpected death of a very dear friend, my Caveman became totally overwhelmed. He plunged into a deep, at one stage suicidal, depression. Unfortunately, I was struggling to cope with everything too, so our marriage was rocky for a while and that took a bit of clawing back. Without the support of his psychologist, I'm not sure he'd still be here now, or that we'd be together.

So far, so miserable, right?

Luckily, things did start to turn around and the second half of the year has definitely been better. Our eldest son moved with friends to another town, three and a half hours away. Initially, this felt like another blow, but he was stepping well out of his comfort zone by moving so far away from us and it has really paid off for him. The job opportunities are much better there, so he has worked solidly since arriving 6 months ago. We miss him but we all visit each other when we can and he seems more mature and confident each time.

Just a couple of days before the fire, our Cavegirl had transitioned from being an assistant at a local salon to beginning a hairdressing apprenticeship. She has done a great job of sticking with it during all the turmoil and really seems to have found the right job and social network for herself. Like her big brother, her maturity and confidence has impressed us as the year has gone on.

Our "littlest" Caveman, now 6'3" (nearly as tall as his brother!), has shown maturity beyond his 14 years. He kept checking on the rest of us after the fire, as if it were his job to make sure everyone was alright. We got him some counselling to make sure he was okay, but he is fine. He focuses on living a typical teenage life, pushing the usual boundaries, but we're really very close.

We were incredibly fortunate to be approved for another rental house, which we moved into in early July. We love our new house. It's a 1980's home, so it feels roomy and comfortable, with a big yard and gardens we enjoy looking after. We are still "townies", but we have always liked this area. Moving here felt like a fresh start so we have made the most of it. The Caveman's mental health has improved so much and I am now on hormones for my menopause, which means we are both in a better place emotionally. I've cut back my work hours a little, we're living a healthier lifestyle and making more time for each other. Our relationship is much better than it was and we're back to enjoying the time we spend together.

Moving house swallowed up the last of the money we had left from our insurance payout and we still have to wait and see what the outcome is of the upcoming court case, but in the meantime we are focused on living day to day. We keep getting rid of clutter. We all joke that losing so much in the fire was a great way to downsize in a hurry and it's inspired us to have less "stuff". Of course it's not funny, but if we didn't laugh, we'd cry for everything we lost. We salvaged a few precious things from the rubble, but I haven't sorted through very much of it yet. The burnt smell bothers me. For months after the fire, I would wake in the middle of the night and panic, thinking the house was burning down. I'm a lot better now, but fear of fire will probably be with me - all of us - for a long time yet. We are still on friendly terms with our previous landlords, although we prefer not to dwell on how things have worked out for them compared to us. It's not helpful. I'd rather focus on gratitude and optimism.

To use a clichè, we do feel like we're rising from the ashes. There is so much to be thankful for and - fingers crossed! - a bright future still ahead.

Silver Linings

Our new year has been very eventful. After a wonderful, happy Christmas, we settled in for the new year and then everything went to pieces. It's been a dramatic start, to put it mildly. I'm not even really sure where to start, so I'll just jump right in...

Our new house came with a very large detached timber shed in the back yard, which we stored a lot of our belongings in. Mostly items we couldn't move into the house yet as the landlords have been painting and decorating around us. In the early hours of last Tuesday morning, that shed went up in flames.

It's not something that really had any publicity - it got a very short local article as "shed burns down", which made it sound like a small garden shed. We haven't made a huge deal of it either so, apart from a couple of nosy people driving slowly down the street to try and see where the fire happened, we've been left alone by everyone. Which is lovely, actually. That in itself has been an eye opener for the kids in the importance of keeping a distance after something like this happens to someone. Not family or friends, obviously, of course we love seeing them and having support. But it's a stressful time and the last thing anyone needs is random strangers or media just wanting the gory details of what happened.

As for the obvious question - how did it start? Well, heartbreakingly, our older kids spent a couple of days blaming themselves. They had a hangout area behind the shed and they were worried they'd accidentally left a mosquito coil burning, which may have ignited something that spread to the building. They were honest about it with the fire investigators and police, and were assured they weren't in any trouble, but they were naturally distressed to think they may have been responsible.

However, the landlord's insurance assessor and the fire investigators have since said that they believe it more likely started IN the shed; an electrical fault maybe? Looking more closely at the burnt out shell, I can see why they've drawn that conclusion ... the area of the shed closest to where the kids hung out doesn't have as much damage as other areas do. That, at least, is reassuring - it's been distressing to see how the kids' mental health is affected when they blame themselves for something like this.

So, on the practical side of things, the landlords shouldn't have any trouble with their insurance and we have contents insurance, so we are following up with ours too. We had around half of all we our belongings in that shed - not just tools and garden equipment, but so many things just not needed in the house yet. Boxes of craft items, some linen and clothing, books, camping and fishing gear, sports equipment, cooking gear and electrical appliances, dart boards, pool table, paintings, etc.

Of course, the worst things to have lost - which insurance really can't help with - are the sentimental things. Hundreds of photos and albums, our wedding memorabilia, family history records, sports trophies, items that belonged to the Caveman's Dad and my Mum before they passed away. Absolutely priceless treasures, to us.

Obviously the most important thing is that we're all physically okay and it didn't spread to the house. We're traumatised, certainly. It was the most surreal thing to stand there and watch the shed burn; we all felt absolute dread. We won't easily forget being woken by the neighbours banging on the door to tell us there was a fire. We will be forever grateful to the firefighters, who stopped it spreading to the house (or anywhere else!). We are totally in awe of what those guys do, they are worth their weight in gold. Our landlords have been great too.

I am currently on leave from work - not because of the fire; this break was already planned. However, I'd had intentions of sorting more of our belongings into the house, visiting family, relaxing and having fun. Now I'm just feeling a bit lost. There is nothing left anymore for me to bring in from the shed. I've caught up with only a couple of family members, as I don't really feel like being particularly sociable. I also don't know if the Caveman and I can leave the house for long while we're still dealing with insurance assessors and unsure of when someone will come to demolish what is left of the shed. We're all tired, stressed out and sick of looking at (and smelling) the charred remains of so much of our stuff.

Right now we're holding each other close, getting through it with humour and treasuring every sentimental thing we come across. It's been somewhat of a relief to discover a number of precious items I didn't realise I had already moved into the house.

It is in my nature to look for the silver linings. Admittedly, that's not always easy when we've lost so much, but we are also aware that it all could have been much worse. The house is fine and no one was injured.

We know we will be okay ... it just might take a while to recover from this.